


The 6 Train

by what_a_gust



Series: t6t [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2019-11-28 01:36:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_gust/pseuds/what_a_gust
Summary: Christen is an OBGYN at The Mount Sinai Hospital in NYC. Tobin is the irresistibly charming anesthesiologist she works with.





	1. Nine in the Afternoon

Just as Christen sits down for the first time since she got to the hospital at 6:30 in the morning, hoping for a moment of peace and quiet, the door to the break room swings open.

It’s rare that she gets a few minutes to herself. She can’t even remember the last time she actually got a lunch break at work. Most days, she doesn’t mind, though. She loves her job. She wakes up everyday knowing that she’ll get to help bring life into the world, something she’s wanted to do since one of the kids in her kindergarten class brought their mom – who happened to be an obstetrician – in for Show & Tell.

“Press! Fancy seeing you here,” Christen hears as she looks up from her coffee.

She rolls her eyes but, against her will, a smile pulls at the corners of her mouth. “Could say the same to you, Heath. I thought you were supposed to be off today because you took this weekend for O’Hara.”

Christen realizes just a bit too late that she’s made a mistake because Tobin’s grin is so smug that Christen can't help but roll her eyes.

“So you do keep track of my schedule. I had a feeling, an inkling, a premoni…”

“We get it, you went to Harvard, you have an extensive vocabulary. Get to the point, Heath, before I get…” and there it is. The beeping that follows her everywhere she goes. No matter what day of the year, her birthday and Christmas included – with the minor exception of vacation days scheduled more than a year in advance – she can always count on her beeper to interrupt. Something her girlfriend, well ex as of last month, wasn’t too thrilled about, especially during sex.

“Where you off to?” Tobin asks, looking down at her own pager.

“G52-14. Seems like baby Robbins didn’t like the schedule the rest of us agreed to this morning.”

“As luck would have it,” Tobin winks, “that’s where I’m headed too.”

She bows obscenely low as she holds the door open for Christen and even though she doesn’t want to give Tobin the satisfaction of laughing, Christen can’t quite hold it in.

\--

One of Christen’s favorite parts of being a doctor, and working in the hospital, is that so many of the people she’s around are incredibly smart. Of course, there are many days almost ruined by stupid bureaucratic bullshit, but for the most part, she’s pleased with the company she keeps. The quick banter with her colleagues after a draining conversation with an expectant mother who just can’t grasp what Christen needs her to is a saving grace.

And Tobin is quick. One of the quickest. And she knows it too.

And on top of that, she’s a notorious flirt.

When Christen was still with Ellie, she found the flirting funny and a good way to breakup the monotony of a long labor.

But now, with the relationship goggles off, she finds herself noticing Tobin for more than just her quips.

Christen first noticed herself _noticing_ Tobin one night, a week or so ago, when they were both leaving the hospital way too late. It was late enough that Christen hadn’t bothered to change out of her scrubs.

But Tobin had.

And Christen _noticed_.

Who can really blame her? Tobin might as well have been a professional athlete. She was wearing workout shorts and a tank top, fitting for the muggy August night. Christen had no choice but to see the ripple of the muscles in Tobin’s back as she pushed her hair off her face as she walked up 96th Street and the flex of her calves as she jogged down the steps to the 6 train.

All of a sudden, Christen hit a wall. Or, not a wall, a Tobin.

Without even turning around Tobin had joked, “I know you’ve been following me since the hospital. I’m not even worth a hello?”

Christen’s tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth, which she suddenly realized was incredibly dry. She stuttered for a second before responding, “Absolutely not.”

And though it was a smooth enough encounter to appear normal to the untrained eye, Christen was certain that Tobin had _noticed_ her _noticing_.

\--

So, now they’re walking to the elevator together and Christen can only hope that it won't be empty when they get in.

When the doors open, Christen sighs in relief. But then, the people – not even just one – have the audacity to get off before she and Tobin get on. And it’s just her luck, really, that they’re left alone.

“So, Press, tell me what it’s like to be so gay that you chose to look at vaginas for a living.”

Christen is caught so off-guard that she starts coughing and Tobin starts to laugh.

“For real, Press. How did you manage that? Like I’m super gay, super duper gay, and I didn’t even go that far.”

“Well, for one thing, you can’t be gay if you’re bi!” Christen chirps as she practically skips out of the elevator, grateful to be in the safety of the hallway.

It’s not as safe as she thought because Tobin slides up behind her and whispers in her ear, so softly that she thinks she might have imagined it, “But you can certainly do things that are gay, like me.”

By the time they enter their patient’s room, Christen’s face is so red that it matches the shorts of the Mickey Mouse pin that hangs from her stethoscope.

\--

Christen considers herself to be one of the more astute people she knows. This makes it particularly frustrating for her that she is unable to figure out how Tobin can be so professional and still manage to flirt with her at a patient’s bedside.

And this afternoon, it seems to have gotten worse. The red tint that’s been plaguing her cheeks won’t go away and she’s been at this particular bedside for almost half an hour.

It turns out they had arrived just in time. Tobin had a very short window left during which she could safely administer the epidural. And as soon as that was done things started to move very quickly. But then they’d slow down and Tobin would take the opportunity to crack a few jokes.

“Dr. Press here has the best hands on the floor. Your baby will feel like he’s landing on a cloud when she catches him.”

Or, “Did you know that Dr. Press really likes cats? So I can’t understand for the life of me why she has a mouse, of all things, on her stethoscope.”

The patient, through gritted teeth and clenching her husband’s hand with all her strength, laughs at what she thinks is a pretty tame, if not lame, cat and mouse joke. But when Tobin winks across the hospital bed at Christen, she realizes that “cat” is _something else_ and how is she supposed to breathe – let alone deliver a baby – when Tobin is making jokes like _that_.

\--

Christen delivers three more babies that evening and by the time she gets around to finishing and signing her notes, it’s well past dinner time.

She stops by the vending machine in the Physicians’ Room to grab a bag of popcorn to eat on her way home in lieu of a meal when someone taps her on the shoulder.

She knows who it is before she turns around. There’s really only one person it could be.

“Yes, Tobin?”

“You spent four years as a nutritional biochem major and another four in med school to eat popcorn for dinner? Shameful, Press, shameful.”

“Excuse me for not wanting to cook at,” Christen makes a show of looking down at her wrist to check the time as she starts to walk toward the stairs, “8:27pm after a 14-hour shift.”

Tobin looks as though she’s weighing her options when she offers, “Let me do it then.”

Fighting her way through a yawn, Christen smiles at Tobin trying to let her down gently, “It’s kind of you to offer but I really am beat. Maybe some other time?”

The gentle smile Tobin gives as they reach the doors of the hospital makes Christen think, just for a moment, that she made the wrong decision.

“I’m holding you to that, CP. Don’t think I won’t remember just because I haven’t slept in,” she looks down at her watch, clearly mocking Christen, “36 hours.”

Christen gives her a pointed look to which Tobin responds that she promises that she’s kidding.

They maintain eye contact just a moment too long and Christen feels compelled to make Tobin an offer.

“I won’t let you come home and cook me dinner, but how about you keep me company on the train?”

“Well, since we both your stop is one before mine, I guess it depends on whether or not I’m expected to get off and make sure you get home safe.”

At this point, they’re quickly approaching the station and Christen realizes that the distraction definitely makes the commute go more quickly.

“Do you really think that I’ll find you suggesting I am incapable of getting myself home safe in a city I’ve lived in longer than you charming? Because if you do, you’re not going to like the direction we’re headed in.”

“What you do mean, Press. We’re headed home. The best possible direction!” Tobin exclaims as they pass through the turnstiles.

And all Christen can muster is a rather defeated, “fuck you,” and a laugh. Because as much as she wishes she didn’t, she thinks it would be nice to have Tobin walk her home.

\--

The train arrives just a few minutes after they do and the only good thing about getting out of work so late on a Tuesday is that there are plenty of seats. Christen plops down and puts her bag on the seat beside her. When she looks up, Tobin is holding the bar on the ceiling above them and pouting.

Rolling her eyes, Christen moves the bag and Tobin quickly takes its place, leaning her head on Christen’s shoulder. The train sways back and forth on the track causing the top of Tobin’s head to knock repeatedly against Christen’s chin.

Clearing her throat, Christen mumbles, “Umm Tobin, we’re not really close enough friends for this.”

“But I’m sleepy, CP,” she whines, “I haven’t slept in 36 hours!”

“You promised me you were kidding!”

“I mean, I was then. But it’s been another hour,” Tobin says with a grin.

Christen gently shoves Tobin off her and grumbles, “I hate you. Plus, you were supposed to keep me company, and a napper does not good company make.”

Tobin gets up and looks around the car. Seeing that it’s still mostly empty, she pulls a tennis ball out of her bag and starts keeping it off the ground with her feet. “I’ll keep you entertained, don’t worry.”

Deciding whether she should be impressed or embarrassed, Christen pulls Tobin back down next to her and the ball rolls across the car under some seats.

“Really, Christen? That was my favorite ball,” Tobin complains in a more petulant tone than is really appropriate for anyone over the age of five.

“I find that really hard to believe, you probably have them all over the floor of your house.”

“What does that have to do with anything? It could still be my favorite!”

Christen yawns again and leans her head on Tobin’s shoulder, ignoring the claim she made moments earlier. “I’m too tired to argue with you. Can we just sit here quietly for the next few stops? Please?”

Tobin slides back in her seat and rests her head over Christen’s, debating whether or not to say anything. When she sees Christen’s face relax and her eyes flutter closed, she decides against it. Instead, she runs her fingers up and down Christen’s arm to sooth her – and to keep herself occupied so that they don’t both fall asleep and miss their stop.

\--

The train pulls out of Union Square and they’re pretty much the only ones left in their car.

“Hey, Chris? Wake up. We’re the next stop.” Tobin starts to unwrap herself from Christen and moves to stand up.

“Five more minutes, Toby. Please?” Christen sounds petulant now and Tobin laughs to herself. She looks so adorable half-asleep that Tobin doesn’t even mind the terrible nickname.

“I’d let you if I could, CP. But, unfortunately, that’s not how trains work. C’mon. Let’s get you home.”

Tobin offers her hand to pull Christen up just as the train stops at Astor Place.

It’s not until they’re halfway up the stairs that the look down and realize they’re still holding hands. Christen quickly pulls her hand back and reaches to put her hair up, hoping that Tobin buys it as a reasonable excuse.

When they get to East 4th Street, Christen pulls Tobin in for a hug. They stand on the corner for a long moment, enjoying the warm late-evening breeze.

“I take back what I said before. I think maybe we are good enough friends to hug on the corner and cuddle on the train,” Christen admits quietly into Tobin’s shoulder before stepping back.

“I’ll take whatever I can get, CP. Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home?”

“I’m sure, Tobin. Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tobin pulls Christen back in for a quick squeeze and then lets her go. “See ya tomorrow, CP. Get home safe.”


	2. She's a Handsome Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One awkward exchange, one less awkward exchange, and one exchange interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos, they make it much more fun to write!  
> 2\. I have hard-core procrastinated my senior thesis to get this done for you guys so it will probably be a bit longer before I can publish chapter three.  
> 3\. Pre-sliced pizza to-go in NYC is put on a paper plate and the plate is put in a bag so I promise that's not weird (even though most people get their pizza in boxes).

Christen is so deep in thought when she enters her apartment that she doesn’t even realize she’s home until her roommate is standing right in front of her waving her hand in front of Christen’s face trying to get her attention.

Startled, Christen apologizes, “Sorry Rach, I’m really out of it. It’s been a long day.”

“Sorry to tell ya, mate, but all your days are long,” Rachel laughs.

Christen just groans in response and drops her bag on the floor by the door.

“Remember when we first moved in together, you took like three days off so I thought you were a normal person and then you get back from your first shift and I thought the zombie apocalypse had come you were so dead?”

\--

Christen was waiting rather anxiously for her new roommate to arrive. Olivia had found a job back in Atlanta closer to her family at the end of her residency and Christen still had a at least a year left in the city. Instead of moving again, she decided to ask around and see if she could find someone to move into Olivia’s room.

On her first, and much needed day off, since Olivia had gone, Christen parked herself at her favorite coffee shop and started researching “how to find a new roommate in NYC.”

After looking around for a few hours and not finding anything particularly promising, she got up to get another drink.

While making the latte, the barista (who Christen was pretty sure was named Rachel) asked what she was working on. “I thought you were done with the kind of school that you have to do research for?”

Christen looked puzzled for a second than realized what maybe Rachel was asking, “Oh, no, sorta? I still have to do reports at grand rounds and stuff but, umm, that’s not what I was doing. I’m trying to find a new roommate, actually.”

“A new roommate, what’d you do? Kill the old one?” Rachel joked (Christen is sure of her name now, she can see it on her shirt).

“You’re like the third person to make that joke in as many days. Do I, like, give off killer vibes?”

“Nah, if you did, people would be too scared to make the joke.”

Rachel handed Christen’s mug back to her and refused to let Christen pay.

“This one’s on the house, for using an old joke. And if you really do need a new roommate, I’m available. My roommate’s boyfriend is moving in and I do not want to be a part of that!”

Christen considered the offer for a moment and decided it couldn’t hurt to look into it. After all, she knew Rachel had a steady job and that’s more than could be said for strangers on the internet.

So, after a screening process thorough enough to ease all of Christen’s potential concerns, Rachel moved in at the end of the month.

\--

When Rachel finally manages to get Christen’s attention again, she asks with concern in her voice, “Anything in particular got your head so high up in the clouds tonight?”

Christen shifts her weight back and forth, weighing whether she’s ready to admit her feelings or if she’d be better off lying and saying she’s tired.

“If I ask you a hypothetical question, do you promise not to judge?"

Rachel’s eyes light up and she moves over to the couch, “Come sit, we’ve got all night!"

Christen rolls her eyes but follows Rachel and snuggles up, hiding her face under a blanket.

“So, if someone is, hypothetically, newly single and this person they know from work, who is a notorious flirt, keeps flirting with them, what is the right protocol for that situation?”

Rachel does her best to hold in a laugh, “Well, I would say, that there’s no harm in flirting back?”

Christen buries herself deeper into the couch and whispers, “I think I have a crush, Rach. Like a real one…”

“Pressi, can I be honest with you for a second?”

Christen peeks her head out and nods.

“It isn’t new.”

“What?” Christen practically gasps.

This time Rachel lets her laugh out. “Your crush on the anesthesiologist. Hart-something? Heath, maybe? Yeah, Heath. You talk about her way more than any of your other colleagues. Even the ones you’re actually friends with.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” Christen admits, sinking back into the couch. “What do I do? She’s smart, and cute, and funny. But I don’t want to be unprofessional.”

Rachel waits until Christen looks up again. “I think all you can really do is become friends and see how it goes. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Isn’t that what you always say.”

“I guess you’re right. Thanks Rach,” Christen says through a yawn. “I really need to go shower so I can get to bed. Thanks for your help, again!”

“Any time Chris, g'night.”

Christen trudges down the hall to her room and finally takes off her scrubs, feeling relieved. A warm shower and a few hours of sleep ought to the the trick. And Rachel is probably right. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

\--

After not nearly as much sleep as she would have liked, Christen’s alarm goes off at 5 and she manages to pull herself out of bed and into a clean pair of scrubs by 5:30.

By the time she finally makes it out the door, after getting caught up scrolling through her phone, it’s almost 6.

She half-jogs to the train, hoping that the early-morning humidity won’t make her uncomfortably sweaty.

Just as she’s about the run down the stairs in the hopes of catching the train she can hear approaching, she feels a hand grab her wrist.

“Christen, I’m really worried, did I turn invisible over night?”

Christen is so startled that she almost gives in to her instinct to punch the person holding her back. But by the time she winds up, she realizes that the person is Tobin.

“Tobin, are you fucking kidding me? It’s 6 in the morning - the sun is hardly up yet, don’t scare me like that!” she says, giving Tobin a shove.

Tobin steps back and puts her hands up, letting go of Christen’s wrist. “Sorry, I just got concerned that something was wrong with me that you walked right by and didn’t acknowledge me at all!”

Christen looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath. She decides it’s too early in the day to let Tobin get under her skin, knowing that they’re inevitably going to end up spending the day together at work.

“No, Tobin, you did not turn invisible. I was just trying to catch the train, that you’ve now made me miss," anger and frustration lace her tone. "What are you doing up here anyway?”

Christen turns back toward the stairs before Tobin can answer.

Tobin catches up quickly, explaining that when Christen didn’t get on she decided to get off and wait for her.

“It’s really stupid to pay the fair twice just to mess with me.”

Tobin laughs and with a shrug of her shoulders says, “What can I say? The commute is a whole lot more fun when I can bother you. Definitely worth at least $2.75, maybe even $3.00 if you keep it up.”

The approaching train drowns out Christen's rather lack-luster comeback and she certainly doesn’t mind.

It’s already crowded when they get on and only gets worse at Union Square and Grand Central. Deciding to be respectful of the other people on the commute, and to give herself time to collect her thoughts, Christen puts her headphones in, showing Tobin that she’s not interested in having a conversation. Tobin takes the hint and pulls out a magazine, leaning up against the doors of the car, making sure that Christen has personal space.

When they step off the train, the day has already gotten considerably hotter. They walk across the platform and up the steps into the hazy sunlight. They watch as birds flutter between the trees and listen to the cacophony of the city. Taxi drivers honk at pedestrians crossing in the middle of the block and kids yell to their friends during a game of pick-up basketball that will occupy their summer’s day.

Tobin continues to give Christen space until they get to the hospital. Just before they have to part ways, Tobin reaches for Christen’s wrist once again.

“Hey, umm, sorry about startling you earlier. I hope you have a good day. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

“Thanks, Tobin. You too.” Christen nods her head curtly and heads toward her office.

\--

Though they do see each other, it’s not nearly as much as they day before and Christen thinks that maybe she scared Tobin off because even when they’re working on a patient together, Tobin keeps to herself.

Feeling rather drained, instead of sitting in the break room during lunch, Christen decides to go to a lecture that one of her friends is giving on resource allocation in the NICU. She knows that the audience will be mostly residents and med students. She hopes that being around their eagerness to learn will reignite her passion for the day.

She slips into a seat at the back of the auditorium and takes out a notebook, grabbing her pen from the pocket of her coat and uncapping it with her teeth. She accidentally drops the cap and bends down to get it when she hears, “Hey! Dr. Press! Didn’t know you’d be here!”

“Oh, Ashlyn! Hi! I certainly wasn’t expecting to see you either. Slow day in the ED?”

“I’m actually off today, just here to surprise my girlfriend with lunch. She told me this morning that she had to come to this and wasn’t sure she’d have time to eat.”

“You’re so good. Tell Ali I say hi, I won’t keep you.”

Ashlyn gives her a pat on the shoulder, “Will do, you should come over for dinner soon, it’s been too long.”

“Alright, I’ll text you when I’m off. Have a good afternoon!”

\--

In a better mood after getting to see Ashlyn and learning from Becky, Christen tackles the afternoon with renewed vigor. Her efforts are rewarded and she’s able to pack up to head home just after 6.

She can’t help but laugh when she sees that Tobin is also getting ready to leave the hospital. “Are you, like, stalking me or something?” she jokes.

Christen sees the sparkle back in Tobin’s eye that had been missing after their awkward commute this morning when she answers, “maybe, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“You’re such a nerd. Let’s go, I don’t want to miss the train again.”

“Press, that was a _terrible_ come back. I don’t know if I can commute with someone, let alone be friends with someone, whose game is that bad.”

Christen just starts walking, knowing that no matter what she says, Tobin is going to follow her anyway.

They fall easily back into their banter of the day before. Christen recaps the lunchtime lecture and they get into a heated discussion about the balance between pain-management and encouraging development in NICU babies.

Before they know it, they’re back at Christen’s stop and Tobin follows Christen off the train quiet all of a sudden before asking, “Hey, CP?”

“Yeah, Tobin?”

“Can I see your phone for a second?” Christen starts to hand Tobin her work phone, wondering what she could possibly want.

“Not your work phone. Your phone.”

“What, no? Why?” Christen asks in confusion.

“Don’t worry about it, just let me see it.”

Christen reluctantly hands it over and a few moments later Tobin’s phone starts to ring.

Tobin hangs up the call without answering and then hands Christen’s back to her.

“Chris, your phone is ringing.”

Just as Christen starts to say that it isn’t, her starts phone buzzing in her hand, showing an unknown number.

“Hi, this is Christen Press speaking. May I ask who’s calling?”

Tobin can hardly hold her laugh in long enough to respond, “Hi Christen Press, this is Tobin Heath. Got your number. Bye.” And she takes off up the stairs.

Quickly throwing her phone back in her pocket, Christen follows Tobin up to the street, laughing along and wishing she didn’t find it quite so charming.

“Press, I know it’s gonna be hard for you to get through the next two days without me, so I wanted you to have my number in case, ya know, you need me.”

“I think I can manage, but thank you. Enjoy your days off, I’ll see you next week.” Christen pulls Tobin in for what she means to be a quick hug, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s broad shoulders as Tobin’s hands find Christen’s waist. It certainly isn’t quick but they both feel much better when they let go, knowing that the discomfort of the morning is behind them.

\--

Though she’s tempted on more than one occasion, Christen refrains from texting Tobin, not wanting to get ahead of herself.

Friday evening, she gets out a little later than she was hoping – hand off to the weekend residents was a bit of a mess.

She stops at her favorite pizza place on her way home and makes a promise to herself that she’ll be good and cook for herself all weekend even if her friends invite her out.

She grabs the bag off the counter, drops some change in the tip jar, and makes her way back out on to the street. With the light starting to fade, she admires the fireflies that illuminate the park at the end of the block so she decides to head there and have herself a little picnic.

She finds a bench and sits down to text Rachel and ask if she wants to come join her. Just as Rachel lets her know she’ll be there in a few, her phone buzzes again.

[Tobin Heath]:

_hey cp_

_was weird not seeing you the past two days_

_how was work without me_

[Christen Press]:

_Hi_

_It was fine, thanks for asking._

_How was your time off?_

[Tobin Heath]:

_do you seriously text with proper grammer_

_that might be a deal-breaker_

[Christen Press]:

_Did you seriously misspell “grammar”?_

_That is definitely a deal breaker._

_(Not that I even know what the deal is…)_

[Tobin Heath]:

_deal is you get drinks with me next time we’re both off_

_?_

_i even sent you a question mark_

_you have to to say yes_

But before Christen has a chance to answer, Rachel shows up so she tucks her phone away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and who else you would like to meet! Either in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com is fine!  
> (PS, Rachel is Rachel Corsie in case that wasn't clear!)


	3. I Have Friends In Holy Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Tobin have friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos! It really means a lot to me that you all like this story - it's so much fun to write. This is probably last update that will come quickly both because I really need to focus on school for the next month and because I want to finish Building Bridges before I get any deeper into this one. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think and what else you'd like to see either down below or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com.

Christen and Rachel spend almost an hour enjoying the surprisingly cool breeze and the lights of the city at night before they decide it’s time to head home. 

“When did we get so old? Ready for bed before 10 on a Friday night, shameful.”

“Speak for yourself Press, I don’t know about you but when we get home I’m changing for the bar and heading right back out. You’re welcome to join, I know Crystal and Sam would love to see you.” 

Christen really does consider it for a moment, or at least that’s what she tells herself. But nothing, even seeing friends she misses, sounds as good as sitting in the tub for way too long with a glass of wine and falling asleep with her hair still damp as soon as she gets out. 

“Maybe tomorrow? I need time to recover,” she offers as an excuse and Rachel just shrugs. 

“Suit yourself.”

It’s not until they head to their own rooms that it occurs to Christen to check her phone. 

[Tobin Heath]:

_deal is you get drinks with me next time we’re both off_

_?_

_i even sent you a question mark_

_you have to to say yes_

_57 mins ago_

Christen tosses her phone on to her bed and flops down after it, cursing herself for being an attentive listener – something she usually likes about herself – or at least for asking Rachel to join her because now she has to worry that Tobin thinks she was ignoring her and doesn’t want to go out. 

She spends far too much time trying to decide how to come across as apologetic for making Tobin wait without sounding desperate.

Eventually, she’s un-packed her bag, put her dirty clothes and scrubs in the washer, ran her bath, poured her wine and can’t think of anything else to put off her answer. So, she climbs into the tub and takes a huge swig of her drink before reaching for her phone.

[Christen Press]:

_Sorry for the delay, just seeing this now._

_I wouldn’t say no to a drink._

_When are you off next?_

Before Christen can even put her phone down, the bubble signifying that Tobin is typing shows up. It disappears and pops up again a few times, causing Christen to almost finish her wine before a message finally arrives. 

[Tobin Heath]:

_No worries, up to anything fun_

_I’m off M,T and Sat_

[Christen Press]:

_Had a pizza picnic at Tompkins Sq with my roommate._

_The fireflies were out tonight, it was pretty._

_What are the odds?_

_I’m on-call next weekend. Off W and Th._

[Tobin Heath]:

_tbh I have to do enough math at work_

_Don’t really want to do math for you_

_But odds are probs against us_

[Christen Press]:

_I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now._

_Should I just share my g-cal with you?_

_Then we can see when we’re both off without going back and forth?_

[Tobin Heath]:

_*rolls eyes at your eye roll*_

_You really need better comebacks_

_My email is tph17_

[Christen Press]:

_I’ll send you an invite to my calendar right now._

_Actually, I’m still in the bath._

_I’ll do it in the morning._

[Tobin Heath]:

_Pics or it didn’t happen ;)_

[Christen Press]:

_Tobin! Gross!_

[Tobin Heath]:

_Who_

_Me or you_

_You’re the one who needed a bath_

[Christen Press]:

_I won’t share my calendar with you if you keep this up._

[Tobin Heath]:

_Fineee_

_I’m sorryyyy_

_Can I pls have your calendar_

[Christen Press]:

_If you can promise not to be gross until tomorrow morning._

[Tobin Heath]:

_I promise._

_Period cuz I’m serious_

[Christen Press]:

_Well, if you’re serious, then I guess I have to agree._

_Good night, Tobin._

_I’ll email you in the morning._

[Tobin Heath]:

_Good night Chris._

_Looking forward to it._

Christen forces herself to put her phone down and actually relax for a few minutes while the water in the tub is still reasonably warm.

She closes her eyes and thinks back on the events of the week. When it started, she and Tobin were hardly even friends. Now, they might be going on a date.

Christen sinks down in the tub until her face is underwater. She forces air out through her nose to make bubbles and starts to laugh at the noise, reminded of her childhood swimming lessons.

By the time she climbs out, her fingers and toes are pruney but she feels much more relaxed. She’s excited about the prospect of drinks with Tobin and proud of herself for harnessing her nervous energy and expelling it.

\-- 

There is no better feeling, except perhaps an orgasm, than waking up without an alarm after a full night’s sleep. Christen relishes being able to take her time getting out of bed. She stretches her arms above her head and reaches out toward her legs. She then takes a few deep breaths before getting up, quickly making her bed, and unrolling her yoga mat on the floor at its foot.

She takes her time moving through the routine. She feels each of the muscles in her back and her legs as she pulls them beyond comfort into the gray area right before pain. When her whole body feels like taffy that’s been stretched and pulled, she relaxes into child’s pose and turns off her mind.

20 minutes later, she rises from her mediation with a smile spread across her face. She takes her time getting dressed, relishing the opportunity to wear regular clothes. Peaking out the window to get a look at the weather, she decides on a white linen maxi dress that always makes her feel beautiful. She slips on a pair of sandals and laughs gently when she looks in the mirror and sees, in her reflection, what she imagines Athena might look like. 

\-- 

Deciding to take full advantage of the day off, Christen indulges herself with a trip to Russ & Daughters for breakfast. Rachel is still asleep when she leaves – Christen has no idea what time she got home but she imagines it was sometime after 3am – so she leaves a note on the kitchen counter on her way out the door. 

As she crosses Houston Street, she sees a distinctly familiar blond ponytail swaying ahead of her and calls out, “Olivia, is that you?” 

The woman swings around, “ _Christen!_ Christen Press, what an excellent surprise!”

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Christen asks, bursting with excitement. “I can’t believe you came all the way to New York and didn’t tell me!”

Olivia laughs, “I thought it would be more fun to invite you to lunch out of the blue and tell you the good news but I might as well tell you now. Want to grab a fika for a bit?” 

“Of course! I was actually on my way to breakfast – come with?” 

Christen loops her arm through Olivia’s and leads them down the block and into the café.

“It’s a good thing I know you like smoked fish,” Christen jokes as the smell of lox and sturgeon fill their noses.

Seated, with their orders placed, Christen dives right in. “So, what’s this news? I’m literally sitting on the edge of my seat!” 

Olivia makes a show of taking a sit of her coffee, just to push Christen’s buttons, before she finally opens up. 

“So, remember how when we met, I was in school for public health and working at that HIV clinic as an advocate for women and refugees." Christen nods along. "Well, I was able to turn that into a career and I got hired a few weeks ago by UN Women to work as a programme specialist in supporting women and children’s health with a focus in HIV prevention.”

“Olivia, are you serious? That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!” Christen gets up and walks around the table to give Olivia a hug.

“Thanks! It’s the sort of job I always imagined but never thought I’d actually have.”

“Wow, that’s really awesome, I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more! When do you start?”

“Well, I have orientation on Monday, but I don’t actually have to work until the following week because I need time to finish moving into my apartment and get settled. I was planning to ask you to meet for lunch this week but it seems the universe had something else in store.” 

When their food arrives, Christen takes a few moments to eat and then asks every question she can think of. She learns that Olivia is living in the village, almost exactly halfway between her and Tobin which makes her laugh. She also learns that Olivia has spent the past five years learning French and Arabic to better communicate with the refugee population with which she has been working. Olivia jokes that that’s the only reason she was hired. 

Their conversation continues long after their plates are cleared but eventually Olivia checks her phone and says, “I’m so glad I ran into you today but I really do have to go, I’m getting a bunch of my stuff delivered this afternoon and I need to be there to sign for it.” 

“That’s fair, I have some errands to run myself. But don’t be a stranger, if you need any help getting settled in, you know where to find me!” 

When they finally part ways, Christen feels even more refreshed than she did after yoga. She walks home with a spring in her step. She stops to get some flowers on the way thinking that her home could also use a touch of new energy.

\--

Tobin has been refreshing her inbox every few minutes since she got to work and, even though she’s been trying to be subtle, Allie, Alex, and Julie have definitely noticed.

“Yo, Tobito! What email could you possibly be waiting for?” Alex jibes as she peaks over Tobin’s shoulder at the computer screen in the fishbowl where they’re all wasting time while the residents finish their notes from morning rounds. Tobin’s lack of confidence is surprising to the nurses, who often tease her for being so cocky. 

“Nothing, just a scheduling thing. Doesn’t matter. I’m over it,” she decides as she goes to log out of the account figuring that it isn’t going to come and she’ll just have to wait until she sees Christen in person to find out what the issue is. However, before she can actually make it that far, a new message pops up:

**Christen Press                         You have been invited to add cap23’s calendar                  11:58am**

Relief spreads over her as she clicks on the email and accepts the invitation. Christen sent an accompanying message _Just under the wire, but it is still the morning! I got caught up at brunch but we can figure it out when you’re done for the day?  
_

A smile spreads across Tobin’s face for a minute before she realizes that Alex, Allie, and Julie are all huddled around her, reading over her shoulder. 

“Is this the scheduling thing?” Allie laughs. 

Julie quickly joins in, “What could Dr. Press possibly want with you?” 

“Like for a date? I didn’t know she was gay,” Alex weighs in. 

Julie practically guffaws, “Are you serious, Alex? She was with that woman, Ellie maybe, for like 3 years, they just broke up, do you ever listen?” 

Alex starts to respond but Tobin cuts her off, “Actually, she’s not gay, she’s bi. And not a date, just drinks. As friends.” 

“Tobin, do you even know how to have female friends? I feel like you sleep with someone new every night and we may live in the most populous city in the country but there aren’t that many girls.” Allie looks to the other two nurses for support. 

Offended, Tobin asks, “I’m friends with you assholes, aren’t I? Don’t you have nursing to do? Patients to check on?” 

Julie pats Tobin on the shoulder, “Sure Tobes. But, just saying, you did try to sleep with us, even though we’re all married. And straight.” 

Deciding that there’s really no way to get out of this without further embarrassing herself, Tobin just lets it go and opens ResearchGate to check for new publications that will inevitably bore the nurses enough that they’ll leave her alone, at least for a little while.

Once she’s sure they’ve moved on, she logs back in to her email and opens the link to the calendar. She adds it to hers and sees that they’re both off Labor Day weekend which means they can make plans for the Friday before.

She makes an event on her calendar and adds Christen as a guest with the message _dont have to wait until later...already figured it out_ _did you have to work memorial day this year_ knowing that the lack of capitalization and punctuation will annoy Christen. 

Her phone buzzes in her pocket a few seconds later.

[Christen Press]:

_I’m not even going to dignify that awful email with a response._

[Tobin Heath]:

_Pretty sure that was technically a response_

_And youre the one who cares about technicalities_

_Like grammAr_

[Christen Press]:

_Whatever._

_You’re so buying my drinks to make up for all this teasing._

[Tobin Heath]:

_it was deserved_

_but okay_

 Tobin smiles as she puts her phone away, satisfied that she and Christen are actually going to make it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!


	4. When the Day Met the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Tobin finally go out for drinks.

Christen prides herself on being punctual. She relies on her calendar and her planner like they’re a third arm and she always makes a point to mark things down as soon as plans are made. 

So, when she’s running late to meet Tobin, it feels (and she knows she’s being dramatic) like the world is pitted against her. She _knows_ that Tobin will tease her about it mercilessly. And, to make matters worse, she doesn’t have a good comeback, which Tobin will also tease her about. But it’s not really her fault, she thinks, that having her curling iron, straightener, and phone charger going in one outlet shorted the circuit. And the whole thing just feels a bit unfair. 

Her only saving grace is that Tobin had picked a bar in their neighborhood after discovering that they shared a taste for whiskey. Even though she hasn’t been before, she figures it won’t be too hard to find. 

She runs down the Bowery, passing the museum where Rachel teaches, and knows she should be close. Moments later she turns onto a small side street and can see the bar’s neon sign blinking at the end of the block. 

It looks dilapidated and pretty dirty and it’s hard to tell, aside from the sign, that it’s even open. But when a few people stumble out the door in front of her, she takes the opportunity to push her way inside. 

She’s hit with a flurry of emotions when she sees Tobin sitting at the counter a few yards from the door. Tobin’s chin rests on her hand propped up by her elbow and she’s clearly looking down at the watch that sits around her other wrist. 

Christen takes a deep breath and slides into the seat that Tobin had been saving. 

“Hi,” she taps Tobin on the shoulder. 

Tobin looks up and instead of teasing she looks genuinely happy to see her. It makes Christen worry that maybe Tobin thought that she was going to stand her up. 

Tobin leans over to hug her, “Hi! I’m glad you’re here.” 

Christen relaxes, thinking that maybe she has actually gotten away with it but then Tobin jokes, “I thought maybe I sent you a calendar invite for the wrong day.” 

Christen rolls her eyes, trying to make it seem like she doesn’t feel a little bit too guilty, “Haven’t you heard of being fashionably late? It takes time to look this good.” She gestures to her outfit and Tobin’s eyes follow, checking her out. 

“I believe that,” Tobin jokes and it makes Christen blush. “What can I get you to drink? Do you want it neat? On the rocks? Mixed?” 

Christen thinks for a second because she wants to enjoy herself but she also wants to impress Tobin. “Whatever you’re having is fine, I’m sure you have good taste,” she offers and tries to wink. She isn’t successful, though, and Tobin’s laugh bubbles up until both of them are rosy-cheeked. 

Tobin gets the bartender’s attention and Christen takes advantage of the the momentary distraction as an opportunity to collect herself. 

Tobin turns back to her with two tumblers of whiskey. “It’s neat,” she says as she slides one to Christen, “I hope that’s okay.” 

Christen holds it up to her nose and sniffs then takes a small sip and sets the glass back down. She closes her eyes and lets the whiskey fill her senses as it slides down her throat. It’s warm and burns a little bit but in a pleasant way. She tries to think of the last time she had whiskey and she can’t remember so her eyes stay closed in thought longer than intended. 

Tobin pulls her out of her reverie. “Dr. Press, I didn’t know you were a professional whiskey connoisseur.” 

“I didn’t even say anything!” Christen protests. 

Tobin gives her a look, “No normal person drinks whiskey like that, you know you were gonna say something about the ‘notes’ of wood or whatever as soon as you swallowed if I hadn’t called you out.” 

Indignant, Christen replies, “Maybe you’re projecting because I literally just like the taste, I don’t care that much and honestly I don’t drink that often either.” 

Tobin lets it go and fixates on the end of Christen’s denial, “So, you’re a light-weight then? If you don’t drink a lot?” 

Christen realizes that she’s dug herself into an even deeper hole, which seems to be a common occurrence with Tobin. “Honestly, I don’t think I drink enough to know. I guess we’ll just have to see if I can keep up,” Christen’s competitive streak makes an appearance and now she knows she’s done for. 

“Alright little lady, I’ve been told my stomach is a bottomless pit so I hope you don’t have plans early tomorrow morning,” Tobin winks at her and Christen starts to wonder if the blush she’s been sporting since she walked in will ever leave her cheeks. 

The only thing she can think to say is, “Tobin, I’m taller than you, you can’t call me little lady.” 

Tobin shakes her head, feigning disappointment but the smirk on her face gives her away. “Well then, little lady, I guess will just have to agree to disagree about that,” she offers as she finishes her drink. 

Christen follows close behind and Tobin orders them a second round and some tater tots. They’re just salty enough to keep them thirsty and Christen knows she should ask for water but she’s more hung up on impressing Tobin than staying hydrated.

\--

They fall into a conversation about childhood nicknames and Christen regales the woes the “Press Puns” that haunted her in middle school. She still can’t quite believe how many of her teachers wrote “imPRESSive” on her exams, as if they were so clever and it would make her like them. And, of course, her classmates caught on which didn’t exactly help when she already had a reputation of being a stuck-up know-it-all and a teachers’ pet. 

The mood drops a bit and Christen feels bad but Tobin counters with her “Hobin Teeth” story which makes Christen laugh so hard that her eyes start to water. 

“I tried to smile with my lips closed for like 3 years, Christen! Three years! Do you know how hard that is?” Tobin’s laughter is infectious and Christen wipes the tears from her eyes before leaning her head against Tobin’s shoulder. 

When their laughter finally subsides, Christen is still leaning against Tobin. She thinks to herself that perhaps she ought to move but Tobin’s scent is far more intoxicating than the whiskey and she’s tipsy enough to let her guard down and stay put.

\-- 

By the end of round three, Christen is definitely more than tipsy but Tobin doesn’t seem to be feeling it much at all. Christen starts getting even touchier, leaving her head on Tobin’s shoulder and resting her hand on Tobin’s thigh. She can feel Tobin’s muscles tighten and relax every time she bounces her heel on the stretcher of the stool. 

Christen takes another swig of her drink and feels the confidence flow through her, “Toby?” 

“Hmm?” Tobin looks over at her almost quizzically. 

Christen lifts her head to look Tobin up and down, “How did you get so strong? You’re so muscly, I like it.” 

Tobin chuckles and says, “Would you believe me if I said I’m just naturally like this and when I’m not working I’m a total couch potato?” 

Before Tobin is even done speaking, Christen is rolling her eyes, “C’mon, Toby, are you embarrassed? Are you like a stripper, I uh – I mean a dancer, or something?” 

“Chris, you’re really something else, you know that? No, I’m not a dancer, though I do appreciate that you think I’m hot enough for that,” she counters, looking very satisfied with herself. 

“Of course I think you’re hot, that’s why I’m here,” Christen responds like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “But you still haven’t answered my question.” 

Tobin swallows the rest of her drink. “Well, if you must know, I run a few days a week, make it to the gym to lift when I can, and play in a pickup soccer league on weekends when I’m not working.” 

“Soccer? That’s hot. I used to play soccer, I was really good. Are you really good?” Christen finishes her drink as she waits for Tobin to answer. 

Thoroughly amused, Tobin indulges her, “I’m alright I guess, maybe you’ll just have to come play sometime so I can see what you’ve got?” 

It’s Christen’s turn to smirk, “Asking me out on a second date already, that’s pretty bold Tobes considering we’re not even almost done with the first one.” 

“Is that your way of saying you want another drink?” Tobin challenges and Christen nods, sliding her glass toward the back of the bar. 

With their glasses refilled, they each enjoy a moment of quiet and Christen starts swaying gently to the music that fills the bar. 

Tobin is captivated by how beautiful she looks and takes a leap of faith. “Hey, Chris?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you, uh, do you wanna dance with me?” 

Christen looks around confused. “Uh, Toby? There’s no dance floor.” 

“You’re right, never mind,” Tobin seems uncharacteristically embarrassed. 

They both turn back to their drinks before Christen breaks the tension, “Maybe another time? Our third date? We can go to a place for dancing? Somewhere with tacos and margaritas and salsa!” By the time she’s done describing all of the things they can do together, she’s bursting with excitement. 

Tobin lets out a deep breath, “Now look who’s the presumptuous one! Planning our third date before the first is over. I thought I was bad, talking about the second!” 

Christen laughs and leans back into Tobin, whispering into her neck, “Honestly, Toby, I don’t mind being presumptuous with you. I think we’re gonna go on lots of dates.”                                                                                                                                       

Once again, Tobin reaches the bottom of her glass and her head is a little fuzzy but she can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or if it’s Christen who’s intoxicating her. “I think I’d like that.”

\-- 

Christen is drunk so Tobin decides that they’re done with whiskey for the night and asks the bartender for some water. 

Drunk Christen has her head in the clouds and keeps distracting herself in the middle of the story she’s trying to tell about Rachel and one of their drunken adventures walking home in the snow last winter. 

Finally, she reaches the end, “We were cold for like a week, I swear! I blow-dried my fingers when I got out of the shower and that didn’t even get them warm!” 

“Well, next time either make sure you bring your gloves or take me with you and I can hold your hands to keep them warm.” 

Christen yawns and leans back into Tobin, smiling at the thought. “Toby, are you gonna take me home? Pretty please?” Her eyes are a little glazed over and she licks her lips, mouth already dry from the alcohol despite the fact that she had chugged the glass of water Tobin had gotten for her. 

Tobin imagines she’s going to be unhappy in the morning and asks the bartender for a refill, handing over her card to pay the bill. “Here, Chris, drink this and then we can talk about getting you home.” 

Christen gulps down most of the glass while Tobin signs the check before putting it back down on the bar and protesting, “I don’t want you to take me home, Toby. I want you to come home with me and get me off.” She laughs at her own play on words but Tobin is stunned at her forwardness. 

It takes a minute for Tobin to respond. She looks at Christen and knows that it wouldn’t be right. As much as she wants to agree, she tries to let Christen down gently. “Another time, I promise, when we’ve had a little bit less to drink,” she offers as an explanation. 

Christen looks thoroughly disappointed and the pout she’s sporting is almost enough to get Tobin to reconsider. 

“Chris, I promise, I want to but it’ll be better if we wait. I want you to remember the first time I make you come and feel good, not hungover, when you wake up in the morning.” 

She groans, knowing Tobin is right but not wanting to admit it. “Ugh, you can’t just say stuff like that! But fine. I guess you’re right. You better be good in bed or I’m gonna be mad.” 

Glad that the situation is sorted, Tobin flirts back, “Oh, Christen. I’m more than good. Don’t you worry.” 

Placated, Christen stands up from her stool and wobbles a bit before she finds her balance. “Well, if you’re not gonna fuck me, take me home so I can do it myself.” 

Tobin, stunned once again, stares at Christen and wishes more than anything that she could turn back time and cut them off at two drinks instead of four. “If I can’t say stuff about wanting to make you feel good, you certainly can’t say stuff about _that_.” She leaves an extra tip on the bar and leads them toward the door. 

Christen just shrugs, “Your loss, I offered to let you do it and you said no.” 

They both laugh because it’s more than obvious that Tobin is not saying no.

\-- 

The night had brought with it considerably cooler air and Christen shivers when they step outside. Tobin wraps her arm around Christen’s shoulders and Christen snakes her arm around Tobin’s waist in return. 

The walk home is quiet, they’re pressed as close together as possible and both want to enjoy each other for the last few minutes before they have to part ways. 

When they arrive at her door, Christen turns to face Tobin and pulls her into a hug. “Thank you for a good first date, Tobin. I’m looking forward to the next one.” 

“Me too, Chris, me too.” Tobin leans in to kiss her on the cheek. “Get inside, little lady. Sweet dreams.” 

Christen roles her eyes as best she can and fishes in her purse for her keys, “I am not little.” 

They both laugh and Christen struggles to unlock the door. When it finally swings open, she steps inside and calls to Tobin, “I’ll be thinking of you. I hope you think of me. Sweet dreams, Tobin. See you at work.”

All Tobin can do is wave back and hope she doesn’t look too foolish with her jaw on the ground, surprised by Christen for the third time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was worth the wait! Let me know what you think in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com! Thanks for reading!


	5. We're So Starving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen gets a warning (and an orgasm).

September brings with it a humidity so heavy that the whole city feels sluggish and Christen gives up completely on being able to manage her hair. She decides after just a few minutes after waking up to braid it. 

She definitely made the right call, she thinks, when she steps off the train in Merrick. She feels a little bit weird about spending a day off with her boss but Lauren’s offer of an end-of-season barbecue right on the water had been too good to pass up.

She looks around the station and notices a strip mall on every corner. She tries, generally, not to believe stereotypes. But in her limited experience, Long Island seems to live up to them all. 

Her thinking is interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing in her hand. She answers and hears Lauren’s voice calling out, “I see you! Walk down the steps to your left and I’m in the black BMW by the curb.”

She follows the instructions and, sure enough, Lauren is there, waving, along with the kids in the back seat. 

As Lauren pulls out of the parking lot away from the station, the scenery quickly transforms from industrial and commercial to the residential neighborhoods Christen was expecting. The closer they get to the water, the more clearly Christen can smell the salty ocean air. When they stop at a red light, Christen knows they’re close because a seagull tries to fly through the window.

Lauren’s house is at the end of a cul-de-sac and her backyard is the neighborhood harbor.

They go through the garage into the backyard and Christen loves that there’s a pier attached to the pool deck.

The barbecue appears to be in full swing with one group of people gathered around the grill, beers in hand, and another seated in chairs on the lawn. The kids are running around chasing a dog. When Christen sees him, it eases her nerves and she starts to head over to pet him but Lauren pulls her back.

“Christen, can we talk for a second away from little ears before we both get sucked in? It’s nothing bad, don’t worry.”

Christen worries anyway but nods her head telling Lauren to continue. 

“I am saying this as your friend, not as your boss, but I heard through the rumor mill that you’ve been seeing Dr. Heath outside of work and I just want you to be careful. She has a bit of track record and I don’t want you to get hurt. Especially since you just got out of a really long relationship.” 

Christen is taken aback and doesn’t really have anything to say so she just thanks Lauren for looking out for her and then asks where the bathroom is, hoping to find some quiet so she can think. 

She splashes some water on her face and sits on the toilet for a few minutes until she realizes that she trekked all the way out here and might as well enjoy her night instead of waste it sulking over a rumor. 

When she gets back outside, she finds a seat next to the dog and soon she’s distracted enough that she doesn’t think about Tobin at all. 

\--

Even though she didn’t technically go to the beach, the skin of her face feels tight from the sun and the salt in the air in Lauren’s backyard.

She moisturizes her face once she’s settled on the train home and then pulls out her phone to work on the crossword she had started earlier. 

Just as she finishes the Across clues and is about to start working on the Downs, her phone buzzes and a text appears at the top of the screen. 

[Tobin Heath]:

_happy labor day_

_lucky that you don’t have to deal with actual labor today haha_

_hope you had a good day_

 Christen laughs out loud before quickly realizing that she’s on the train and slaps her hand over her mouth to try and contain it.

 Warmth spreads through her chest and and then, all of a sudden, Lauren’s warning comes rushing back.

 She decides to try and play it cool. If Tobin isn’t invested, she doesn’t need to be either.

[Christen Press]:

_Thanks. Same to you._

[Tobin Heath]:

_what are you doing next weekend_

_we should hang out_

[Christen Press]:

_I get groceries at Union Sq. every Saturday._

[Tobin Heath]:

_sweet! what time should i meet you_

[Christen Press]:

_I like to get there by 9._

[Tobin Heath]:

_9 it is!_

_have a good rest of your weekend_

_see ya at work_

[Christen Press]:

_Okay. Thanks. You too._

\-- 

Tobin is supposed to be waiting for her at the Subway station near the Farmers’ Market but when Christen gets to the top of the stairs and doesn’t see her, she wonders if she was supposed to use a different exit. Just as she looks down at her phone to confirm that she is in fact in the right place, she hears heavy footsteps pounding toward her. When she looks up, she sees Tobin in her running gear with a sheen of sweat over her face, red from the exertion, and arms, tan from the sun. 

“Hey,” Tobin says with a puff as she tries to catch her breath. “Sorry, I lost track of time but I got here as soon as I could.” 

Christen opens her arms and steps forward to hug Tobin put Tobin reaches out to stop her. 

“Chris, I’m really sweaty, like kinda gross, you really don’t wanna hug me right now. Give me a few minutes to cool down and then we can hug as much as you like,” Tobin smirks and Christen already knows she’s done for. 

The market is really busy and there are more vendors than they have time, or money, to stop at but Christen makes them do a lap before they’re allowed to buy anything. She wants to be sure that she leaves with only the best produce and no buyer’s remorse. 

When Christen is satisfied that she’s seen all there is to see, she goes back to her usual produce stand and hands her reusable bags to Tobin so that she can hold them open while Christen picks what she wants. She decides on two heads of broccoli, a cabbage, heirloom tomatoes and some summer squash. 

Next, they head to the fish stand where Christen confidently picks out the best looking scallops from the case and Tobin is impressed. 

Christen leads Tobin over to the cheese stand where she gets manchego and farmer’s cheese (Tobin isn’t exactly sure what that is but it looks good and Christen seems excited about it so she doesn’t say anything). 

They arrive at their last stop, the bakery, and Tobin’s arms are starting to get tired from holding all the groceries so she’s grateful when Christen takes the bags back and tells Tobin to pick whatever bread she wants to eat with lunch. 

“What do you mean with lunch?” Tobin asks, feigning confusion. 

Christen’s face falls in concern. “I thought we were here getting ingredients for lunch and then you were gonna come over so we could cook together?” 

Before Christen is even done speaking, Tobin’s face has broken out in a huge smile. “I’m just playing with you, Chris. Of course I’m coming over. Do you really think I’d stand here holding your groceries and listening to you nerd out about produce for more than an hour just to go home hungry? Good one!”

Christen just swats at Tobin’s shoulder and leads her back toward the train. 

\--

As soon as they get back to Christen’s place, they start cooking. Christen puts the scallops on ice to make for dinner later and then sets Tobin up with a cutting board and the almonds, dates, and cheese that need to be chopped for the recipe she has in mind. 

Christen puts her biggest cast iron skillet on the stove top to start heating it and then gets to work on washing and prepping the broccoli. 

Somehow, Tobin manages to finish first and slips in behind Christen, wrapping her arms around her waist. She places her hands on Christen’s hips, pulling her close, and kisses up the back of her neck. 

Christen puts down the knife she was holding and grips the edge of the countertop with her fingers to keep herself steady. 

“Tobin, what are you doing?” 

Tobin, still kissing her neck, barely pauses to whisper, “I told you I wanted to make you feel good at a time when you could remember it. So that’s what I’m doing.” 

She slips her hand down to the button of Christen’s shorts and says, “Is that what you want, Christen? For me to make you feel good?”

Christen is nodding her head back into Tobin’s shoulder but that’s not enough; Tobin needs to hear her. 

“Christen, what do you want?”

Christen whimpers and swallows thickly, trying to form the words that she knows she needs to say. Part of her can’t believe she’s so worked up already but she also knows that she’s been thinking about this for a week and it was rather inevitable. 

“Tobin, please,” she finally manages to get out but it still isn’t quite enough for Tobin. 

She unbuttons Christen’s shorts but won’t go any further. “What, Christen? You have to say it.” 

“Fuck, f-fuck me, ple-“ Christen’s voices dies out and Tobin slips her hand down the front of the shorts and slides her fingers across Christen’s clit. 

The moan that escapes from Christen’s lips fills the kitchen and Tobin leans forward and uses her hips to press Christen down onto the counter.

“Christen, tell me what you like,” Tobin commands. Once again, Christen cannot find the words. 

Tobin’s fingers still and Christen whimpers, knowing that the only thing that will get Tobin to continue is to use her words, a task that feels utterly impossible. 

“Christen.” Tobin’s voice is forceful and Christen’s head is reeling. 

“I – I like, I like when you bite my n-neck.” 

Tobin does just that. It stings a little bit but in a way that makes Christen even wetter. 

“What else?” Tobin is insistent.

It takes almost Herculean effort for Christen to continue but the alternative, Tobin stopping, is so much worse that she powers through. 

Her voice breaks as she begs, “Please, Tobin. Please.” She swallows and then continues, “Use your fingers, Tobin. Please.”

Christen can feel Tobin smirking against her neck, “Like this?”

Tobin’s fingers dance around Christen’s center, purposefully avoiding the most sensitive parts. Her other hand skims across Christen’s stomach under her shirt and up to the edge of her bra. 

Tobin teases and teases, coming close to Christen’s nipples and clit but not close enough to be anything more than frustrating. 

Christen feels like she’s losing her mind when Tobin bites down on her neck again. She tries to buck her hips forward but Tobin has her pinned so close to the counter that there’s nowhere for her to go. 

“Is this what you meant, Christen? When you told me to use my fingers?” Tobin knows it isn’t but, once again, she needs to make her work for it.

Christen shakes her head no, her forehead resting against the countertop, slick with sweat. 

“What did you mean? Tell me.” The tone of Tobin’s voice makes Christen whimper and words escape her. 

Christen loosens her grip on the counter and tries to move her hands to guide Tobin but Tobin is quicker than she is and she quickly slides her hand out from Christen’s shirt to hold her wrists above her head. 

Christen groans in frustration. “C’mon, Chris. All you have to do is ask.” 

“F-fuck y-you, j-just put them in.” The words come out garbled and muffled by the marble but Tobin can feel that Christen is nearing the end of her rope so she gives in and slips two fingers into Christen swiftly, making sure that her palm is pressing against Christen’s clit. 

Christen gasps and her world shrinks as her mind goes blank from the pressure. 

Tobin keeps thrusting at a steady pace but backs off a little bit so that Christen can move her hips in time with Tobin’s hand. Then, when Tobin can sense that Christen is right at the edge, she lets go of Christen’s wrists and slides her hand back up the front of Christen’s shirt. 

“Are you ready to cum, Christen?” Tobin knows she is but asks anyway, for good measure. All Christen can do is whine and shift her hips forward against Tobin’s hands. 

Tobin draws her fingers out to circle Christen’s clit at the same time that she tweaks Christen’s nipple and Christen cums with a resounding moan. 

Christen’s chest heaves into the counter and Tobin continues to stroke her gently while she rides out the high. 

When Christen’s breath has evened, Tobin steps back to give Christen some space. She brings her fingers to her lips and Christen tastes even better than she imagined. 

Christen turns around and looks thoroughly blissed out. Tobin, never one to back down, decides to see how quickly she can get Christen worked up again. 

“Mmm, Chris, you taste so good. Are you sure we need to make lunch? I’d be happy to eat you.” 

Christen laughs and then glances around the kitchen and all of a sudden her demeanor changes, “Tobin, oh my god! The stove’s been on the whole time, move! I need to check –“ 

“Chris, relax!” Tobin says, pulling her back. “I turned it off before I distracted you, don’t worry.”

Christen slumps into Tobin’s shoulder and takes a deep breath, “Thank you. For everything. That was really good.” 

“I’m glad. I told you it would be.” 

\--

Christen is chugging a glass of water when her stomach rumbles so loudly that Tobin starts to laugh. 

“Guess we should get started on lunch then?” Tobin offers and heads back over to the stove to reheat the skillet. 

Their lunch ends up coming together quickly and then they sit down to eat. 

They scarf down the broccoli and start tearing of pieces of the loaf of bread that Tobin had picked. Christen slathers it with farmer’s cheese and hands it to Tobin who decides that she really likes despite her earlier skepticism. 

When they feel too full to move, they force themselves to put their dishes in the sink and then move into the living room and flop down on the couch. 

They doze off facing each other, feet tangled together. 

A while later, Christen wakes with a start when she feels Tobin tapping her knee. 

“Hey, Chris. I’m sorry but I just realized I’m late to meet someone. I gotta go. But today was really fun, we should definitely do this again.” 

Christen’s heart sinks. Lauren’s words come back to her again. 

“Sure, Tobin. Have a good night.” She says as she gets up and walks Tobin to the door. 

When Tobin is on her way, Christen sinks back into the couch and puts her head in her hands.

She lets herself wallow in disappointment until she hears the key in the door meaning that Rachel is home. She gets up to start on dinner so that she doesn’t have to explain her feelings to Rachel.

She isn’t even sure she can explain them to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com! Thanks for reading!


	6. That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Tobin go to a bar (but not together).

Just before Christen leaves for work on Monday, she shoots Lauren an email asking if she and Tobin can be on different teams for the week so that she can have a clear head while she works. She’s worried, at first, that it might be unprofessional. She reasons that Lauren was the one who originally brought up her concerns so she figures that she won’t hold it against her.

She’s also torn between wanting to avoid Tobin and knowing she should try to be mature. She contemplates leaving her apartment late so that Tobin will have to get on the train without her. Then, she recalls the awkward end to their day together and chastises herself for assuming that Tobin would even still be waiting. 

As her luck would have it, Tobin is there at the top of the steps with a bemused smirk on her face. 

“You’re practically late today Dr. Press, I almost left without you but I didn’t want you to worry.” 

Christen takes a sip of her coffee to buy herself a moment to think of a retort that doesn’t involve her letting on how confused she is about where they stand. “Did it occur to you that perhaps my tardiness was intentional?” is the best she can do but it causes Tobin to sputter in response so she considers it a success. 

\-- 

They arrive at the hospital and head straight for the physicians’ room. The schedule is posted on the door and Tobin’s face falls when she sees that they’ve been assigned to different teams. 

Christen sighs in relief. She’s glad that Lauren got her email and is looking out for her but she manages to feign disappointment when Tobin brings the change to her attention. “It’s alright, at least we still have the commute?” 

“I guess that’s true,” Tobin says with a pout. “I told Cheney – I mean Dr. Holiday – that we worked really well together and that I liked being on your team when we had the same schedule. I don’t get it.” 

Tobin’s disappointment confuses Christen and she isn’t really sure what to say so she focuses on putting her stuff away in her locker and organizing the papers on her desk.

She sits down and logs on to her computer but Tobin is still standing over her shoulder, seemingly waiting for a response. “Well, maybe if we’re lucky we’ll end up eating lunch at the same time?” 

Tobin seems to accept that and goes about getting herself ready, chugging a cup of tepid coffee that Christen thinks was left by the night shift and slipping into her white coat. She heads off to find Dr. Naeher so they can start rounds and leaves Christen to her notes.

\--

Over the course of the week they fall into a new rhythm as Christen adjusts to the changing dynamic of their relationship. 

Though Tobin still flirts with her, instead of being flattered Christen works on convincing herself that that’s just how she is with everyone. She does her best to maintain a boundary of physical space between them and Christen can’t tell if Tobin minds, or even notices, but she's also trying very hard not to care. 

Tobin, on the other hand, starts to worry that she took things to far and scared Christen. She doesn’t know how to go about apologizing so she tries to just let it go and let Christen dictate their interactions. She tries to keep things normal and act as she usually would but when she notices Christen take a step back, she leaves the extra space. And when Christen gives her one-word answers, she lets the conversation lull. 

And, for the most part, even though there are moments where things feel tense and uncomfortable, they find that they still enjoy their time together on the train. They get to know each other a little bit better each day. 

Christen learns that Tobin is close with her sisters but closer with her brother and that she’s hoping he takes a job in New York so they can spend more time together.

Tobin learns that Christen really misses her dogs (and that they’re actually her parents’ dogs but she claims them as her own anyway). 

Christen discovers that Tobin is a whiz at Sudoku but doesn’t have the patience for any of the other puzzles (which doesn’t seem to stop her from leaning over and giving Christen answers to the crossword each morning just before she’s about to get the answer herself). 

Tobin finds out that Christen is fluent in Spanish when a little girl bumps into her and makes her slosh her coffee. The girl’s mother apologizes to Christen in a heavy accent and then starts to yell at the girl in Spanish but Christen interrupts, “Está bien, de verdad, no me importa, no te preocupes!” 

And by the time weekend comes around again, they’re both excited for the break and share that they have plans with friends that they’re looking forward to.

\-- 

Christen is meeting her friends at a bar, something they haven’t done in a really long time. Whitney wants to introduce everyone to her new boyfriend and Christen wants the rest of the group to meet Olivia. Christen even convinces Rachel to come and she brings a few of her friends – Christen is especially excited to see Sam. 

They get there earlier than they used to and manage to snag one of the long high top tables that actually has enough room for everybody. Being out and not having to worry about how much money they’re spending isn’t exactly new but it’s new enough that they still appreciate it and the drinks flow freely. 

Christen watches in amusement, she had decided earlier that afternoon that she wasn’t going to drink so she sips on soda water with lime while her friends get drunk. Sam and Olivia hit it off which makes Christen really happy. They’re both sassy and snarky and she loves getting to hear what they have to say because it’s usually what she’s thinking but is too polite to admit out loud and when they’re together (and very drunk) neither of them have much of a filter at all. 

They take turns going up to the bar to refill the pitchers and when it gets to Christen she heads to the bar ignoring her friends’ protests that she doesn’t need to buy if she’s not participating. 

There are a lot more people than when she’d arrived and she has to squeeze her way through to get to a spot where there’s even a chance that the bartender will see her. 

She elbows up to the edge of the bar and leans forward so that she can catch the bartender’s eye. But instead of a bartender, she sees an all-too-familiar smile. 

Tobin is leaning against the bar with her head tilted in rapt attention toward a girl that Christen can’t see but she already knows she doesn’t like her. Tobin is looking at _that girl_ like she looks at Christen. Or at least how Christen thinks she looks at her. 

“Hey, hun, you need something?” Christen is grateful to be pulled out of her thoughts by the bartender. 

She shakes her head trying to remember what she’s supposed to ask for. “Can you, uh, refill these? Please?” She hands over the pitchers, “Dogfish Head? Or something like that? In one and Bud Light in the other?” 

The bartender laughs, “Sure thing, what’s the name on the tab?” 

Christen is distracted, looking at Tobin again. Clearly Tobin is flirting. She’s leaning even closer to _that girl_ now and she reaches out to tuck the girl’s hair behind her ear. 

“The name, sweetie?” The bartender sounds annoyed and Christen is embarrassed. 

“Sorry, Whitney, I think? Engen? Thank you,” Christen tries to apologize but the bartender has already moved down toward the register and out of earshot.

The bartender returns with the pitchers puts them down on the counter rather roughly and turns away before Christen can give a word of thanks. She walks back to the table as carefully as she can, trying not to spill. It’s easier said than done, though, because there are people everywhere swinging around and throwing their arms up in laughter and the floor is sticky with spilled drinks. 

\--

When she finally gets back, everyone cheers, “You were gone for, like, ever!” Sam teases and Olivia joins in, “Yeah, Pressy, what took you so long?” They’re not really looking for an answer though so Christen just puts the pitchers down and reaches for her seltzer. 

She takes a sip and realizes that her glass is all but empty. She weighs the odds of just standing around until her friends need another round and going back to the bar by herself. Even though her friends are a lot of fun, seeing Tobin has her feeling kind of sorry for herself and she wants to wallow so she heads back to get a refill. 

She may or may not end up at the end of the bar closer to where Tobin is sitting. And she may or may not have done that on purpose. But this time she’s quick to catch a bartender’s eye and gets her drink much more promptly than last time. As much as she wants Tobin to notice her, she doesn’t want it to be obvious that that’s what she’s hoping for.

Just as she turns to head back to her friends, she hears her name. 

“Christen? Is that you?” 

She turns back slowly, not sure what to say. “Yeah, oh. Hey Tobin. What a, um, funny coincidence?” 

“Yeah,” Tobin laughs and it makes Christen’s heart beat faster in her chest. “What are you doing here?” 

“It’s a bar, Tobin. What do you think I’m doing here?” she quips with a bit too much bite and Tobin puts her hands up in defense. 

But before Tobin has a chance to respond, Rachel and Sam slide up behind Christen with pitchers already in need of being refilled. 

“Christen,” Sam pokes, “who’s your friend?”

Christen can tell by the look on Rachel’s face that they both know exactly who it is. Which means that Rachel told Sam. And Christen doesn’t know whether to feel betrayed or grateful.

Christen swallows her pride and points to Tobin then to her friends, “Tobin, this is Sam and Rachel. Rachel and Sam, Tobin.” 

They exchange greetings and Tobin cracks a couple of jokes that quickly get her on Sam and Rachel’s good side so before Christen has a chance to say anything they’re inviting her back to the table and Tobin seems to agree. 

Christen follows behind them, considering going back on her decision not to drink.

\-- 

When they get back to the table, Tobin pulls Christen’s chair out for her and then leans against the back so she can be sure that Christen hears her.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you this weekend. But I’m really happy I did.” 

Christen just nods and leans in toward Olivia, hoping that she’ll be able to join in that conversation so that she doesn’t have to engage with Tobin. 

“So, uh,” Tobin clears her throat, “how do you know everyone?” 

Christen turns, briefly, to look at her. “I know Whit from home and they guy next to her is her boyfriend. He’s new. I don’t really know him. Rachel is my roommate and Sam is a photographer friend of hers. Olivia and I met in Sweden when I was there for the summer during college.” Christen goes around the rest of the circle and Tobin nods along attentively. 

“Rachel and Sam are photographers, you said?” Tobin asks, trying to keep Christen’s attention. 

“Yup.” 

“Is that how they met?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“How long have they been together?” 

Christen laughs as though she’s disappointed, “They’re not together. Not everything is about sex, Tobin.” 

Tobin shifts on the balls of her feet, feeling uncomfortable. “I know, Chris. What kind of photography do they do?” 

“Ask them, Tobin. I don’t know. I don’t really know anything about photography.” Tobin looks a little bit taken aback and Christen instantly feels guilty. “Sorry, I – I just wasn’t expecting to see you and I’m here with friends I don’t get to see very often…” she trails off as Tobin’s posture stiffens and she starts to back away. 

“Y’know what, you’re right. I shouldn’t have come over here. Sorry I bothered you. Have fun with your friends.” Tobin looks down at her feet which only serves to intensify Christen’s guilt which in turn only makes her more defensive.

“C’mon Tobin, you know that’s not what I mean.”

Tobin finally looks up at her but the look in her eyes isn’t reassuring. “I think it is, actually, Christen,” her tone biting. “Enjoy the rest of your weekend.” 

“No, can we talk about this? Please?” Christen knows she’s starting to sound desperate but it doesn’t seem to matter. Tobin has already made up her mind. 

 “Not right now. Maybe on Monday.”

 Christen tries to reach out, to keep her close, but Tobin has already slipped back into the crowd and Christen’s chest fills with disappointment and regret. 

But before she can get comfortable wallowing in self-pity, Olivia bounds over to her side of the table, “Lovers’ quarrel, eh?”

Christen’s brow creases at Olivia’s phrasing, “Not lovers, definitely a quarrel.” 

“Don’t worry, she’ll come around.” 

Olivia clearly has no insight into what’s going on but her misreading of the situation is comforting to Christen anyway. “I hope so.” 

\-- 

If she sits up as straight as possible, Christen is able to pick out Tobin’s frame among the throngs of people leaning against the bar. Much to her disappointment, Tobin appears to be back with the same girl she was before. 

She sees Tobin signal the bartender and order two drinks. _That girl_ leans in to thank her and Christen assumes that she’s sliding her hand up Tobin’s thigh. Christen laughs bitterly at herself for being jealous. She knows it’s entirely her fault that Tobin is over there with _that girl_ instead of still with her but that doesn’t make the sting of seeing it any less painful. 

Then, she sees Tobin lean in and suddenly they’re kissing; Christen’s worst fear confirmed. She’s just one of many. Nothing special to Tobin. Nothing important. Lauren was right. Christen needs to go.

She grabs her purse from the back of the chair and stands up, the chair scraping loudly against the floor as she pushes it back.

“G’night!” she calls to her friends, trying to sound chipper. 

“No! Don’t go!” – “Why are you leaving?” – “You okay, Chris?” 

She waves them off, “I’m just tired. Let’s get brunch or something soon?”

She hugs them hurriedly and rushes toward the door, forcing herself to look away from Tobin every time her eyes betray her.

\-- 

Home isn’t any better than the bar. Christen is alone with her thoughts and frustrated. She showers, trying to rinse the day away but it just seems to stick no matter how scalding the water, no matter how hard she scrubs.

She looks in the mirror as she brushes her teeth and tries to convince herself that it’s reasonable to blame Tobin, to be upset with her. But deep-down, she knows its her own fault. She hasn’t communicated how she’s feeling. She hasn’t asked Tobin what she’s looking for. And they’re adults. Adults have casual relationships that include casual sex. So, if that’s what Tobin is looking for, she can manage that. Something is better than nothing. At least Christen hopes it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was worth the wait! Let me know what you think in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com! Thanks for reading!


	7. Folkin' Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk, and then do a little more than talk. Also, Tyler comes to visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The medical stuff /should/ be accurate, a nuchal cord means the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's neck and a nocturnist is the colloquial term for a doctor covering the night shift.

It’s Sunday night and Christen is sitting on her bed dreading having to go to work in the morning and face Tobin. She can hear Rachel and Sam watching stupid reality television out in the living room. They had tried to convince her to hang out with them but she insisted that she wanted a goodnight’s sleep and was going to bed. As much as she wishes that were truly the case, sleep seems to be avoiding her with a vengeance. After tossing and turning for what felt like hours (but was in reality only a few minutes), she resigns herself to her anxiety and sits up to try and meditate.

She works through every possible scenario she can think of and tries to remind herself that the positive outcomes are more plentiful and more likely than any of the negative ones she keeps imagining.

_When I leave for work tomorrow she isn’t at the train, I see her at work, she ignores me, tells me she doesn’t want to be friends.  
_

_No, Christen. She said you can talk tomorrow, that means she hasn’t given up._

  _When I leave for work in the morning, she’s at the train and she wants us to talk right away. I’m not ready._

 _Christen,_ she reminds herself _, you’re going to be ready. You’re preparing right now.  
_

She forces herself to use the hand method and comes up with five positive possibilities for each negative one that sneaks into her head. She reassures herself out loud, hoping that if she hears the positivity enough she’ll start to really believe it. 

\-- 

Just a few blocks away, Tobin paces back and forth across her studio. She knows she’s the one who suggested they talk tomorrow but she has no idea what she wants to say. It goes against her nature to plan a serious conversation, she’s always more comfortable letting them happen naturally and she is unsure about what to do. 

She tries to put herself in Christen’s shoes, _She’s definitely making a list of some sort. Maybe I should make a list? What would I even put on it?_ Her pacing gets increasingly frantic as she works herself up. 

All of a sudden she halts in her tracks, _What the fuck am I doing? It’s literally gonna be fine. We’re totally chill. She probably was just having a bad day, I’m sure as soon as I see her at the train tomorrow things are gonna be right back to normal._

Having calmed herself down from her frenzy, Tobin sets about getting ready for bed. It’s still early, especially for her, but she figures it’ll give her a chance to get up early and watch the Arsenal match she slept accidentally through while she gets ready for work. 

\-- 

Christen, meanwhile, is having minimal success in her attempts to relax or distract herself. She is just about to give up on finding sleep and go join Rachel and Sam in the living room when she hears the familiar sound of her beeper going off. 

She groans in frustration but sits up and grabs her phone from her nightstand to read the message. She knew this was a possibility but she was hoping it wouldn’t be the case. She’s the back up on call for the week but ever since Lauren implemented a nocturnist rotation for their department she hasn’t had to go to hospital unless she’s scheduled to. It seems, however, that this evening is destined to frustrate her so she tries to accept her fate rather than fight against it. 

She opens the Epic app and hastily answers her security questions so that she can see what’s going on while she tugs on the pair of scrubs she had laid out for the morning. It turns out that a pregnant teenager had gone into labor more than six weeks early and the baby was breached with a nuchal cord. The residents thought she needed an emergency c-section but Dr. Naeher was already in the middle of an emergency hysterectomy and didn’t think the mother or the baby would make it if they waited. 

She rushes out of her room as she’s pulling her hair into a bun and heads toward the kitchen to make herself some coffee for the road. Given the late hour, she decides to call an Uber rather than take the subway. The peace and quiet, as well as the more comfortable seat, are worth it for feeling more prepared to go into surgery as soon as she gets to the hospital she reasons. 

She pulls on her white coat and double checks that has her badge before wishing Rachel and Sam a goodnight and stepping out into the hall. She hurries down the stairs and out onto the street where the car is waiting for her. 

\-- 

When she steps out of the car at the ED entrance, she thanks the driver and chugs the last of her coffee hoping that it will give her the jolt she needs to be as alert as she should be for surgery. 

She drops her stuff behind the desk and asks the charge nurse which bay her patient is in. She spins around to head over and breathes deeply to steady herself amidst the chaos. She takes a moment to be grateful for the fact that as soon as she gets the baby delivered and the mother stable she’ll be done for the night. 

Christen is so deep in thought that she doesn’t notice the person standing in the doorway blocking her entrance to the patient’s room. She stops just short of bumping into them when the form in front of her comes into focus. 

_Fuck_ she realizes, _it’s Tobin._ She’d know that beach-y brown hair anywhere and the ED is no exception. 

Before she has a chance to duck and hide until she walks away, Tobin is turning around to face Christen. Her face, Christen thinks, must show her displeasure because Tobin’s smile fades quickly. 

“What are you doing here?” she asks trying to sound polite but she can tell that she did a poor job of hiding her disdain. 

Tobin hesitates for a moment before answering, “I, um, got paged. I’m working tonight covering the ED and since, ya know, OB is my specialty, they sent me to over to help. Is that okay?” 

Christen just nods and pulls the computer that Tobin was using over to her so that she can sign in and open the chart there instead of on her phone. 

Once she has it pulled up, she opens a new section for her note and looks around for a scribe. When she sees that all of them are already occupied, she decides she’ll do the note herself and goes to wash her hands. Then, she puts gloves on so she can examine the patient and get her moved to the OR. 

She knocks gently on the door frame with her elbow, “Hi, Natalie, I’m Dr. Press. I’m going to be helping you deliver this evening. How are you feeling?” 

Just as Natalie is about to answer, a contraction begins and her face contorts in pain. Sweat breaks out across her forehead and her fists clench around the blanket draped over her knees. Christen checks her vitals and realizes that her blood pressure is getting dangerously high as her body tries, unsuccessfully, to push the baby out. 

Christen takes her hand in an effort to reassure her without making a promise she can’t keep. Then, she signals to Tobin and the nurses that its go-time. 

\-- 

Christen isn’t sure anymore how many times she’s done a c-section, all she knows is that it’s too many to count. So, while the circumstances of this particular procedure were more dramatic than is usual, the surgery itself was nothing special. Natalie’s blood pressure steadied as soon as the baby was out and the team was easily able to unwrap the cord from around its neck. 

Just over an hour after meeting Natalie, Christen has her sutured up and holding her baby boy in her arms. Because Natalie is so young, the ED social worker steps in to keep her company and gather information while she recovers. 

Now that her job is done, Christen is ready to head home and crawl back to bed. She walks back over to where she left her stuff and is about to pick it up when she feels a tap on her shoulder. 

She turns around to find Tobin looking at her with pleading eyes, “It’s technically Monday now,” Christen looks down at her watch to confirm that it is in fact after midnight, “we should talk.” 

Not able to quickly come up with an escape plan, and not wanting to deal with the anticipatory dread that will inevitably haunt her if she declines, Christen nods in agreement and leads Tobin toward the ED break room hoping for some privacy. 

“Sorry I was so all over the place Friday night. I don’t know what was wrong with me, long week I guess,” she tries to offer as an explanation. It feels lacking even to her own ears but she really doesn’t know what else to say.

Tobin looks at her earnestly, “It’s okay, I just, uh, wanted to make sure you’re okay with everything that happened between us, ya know?” She looks down at the table they’re sitting at and then back at Christen, “Like the sex stuff? Because I realized it kinda happened all of a sudden. And I want you to know I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything.” 

“Oh,” Christen pauses as Tobin’s words sink in, “Oh, uh, yeah. That was really good, don’t worry about it.” She does her best to make her smile seem genuine, “I promise that has nothing to do with why I was being crazy Friday night. You definitely didn’t pressure me. And I, um, owe you one so let me know when you want to do that again?” 

Tobin looks at her in surprise that quickly shits into relief, “I’m off Friday because I worked today so maybe Thursday or Friday night? We could get dinner first?” 

Christen still isn’t quite sure where they stand and she also doesn’t want to sound too eager. Luckily for her, she has to work on Friday which takes Thursday off the table and Tyler is in town for a bridal shower over the weekend and wants to see her which means she can’t do dinner Friday either. She explains as much to Tobin, “But she’s staying at a hotel with the rest of the bridal party so maybe you can come over after?” 

Tobin thinks for a moment and then counters, “Why don’t you come to me? I don’t have a roommate.” She’s wearing a smirk and has a glint in her eyes that makes it seem like she’s really excited by the plan. 

For the first time since they made lunch together, Christen feels at ease in Tobin’s presence. They’re going to sleep together again. They’re keeping it casual. They can focus on becoming real friends during their commutes and Christen won’t, under any circumstances, let herself catch feelings for someone she now knows is looking to keep it casual. 

\-- 

When Christen’s alarm goes off in the morning, she’s far less cranky than she expected. The short night’s sleep was worth it for the clarification she got from talking to Tobin and she finds herself looking forward to the train ride, something she never could have imagined would be the case when she first climbed into bed the night before. 

Tobin greets her at the top of the steps, like always, with a warm smile and a hot cup of coffee. They fall easily into conversation, first about friends getting married, then about friends having babies, and by the time they get to the hospital they’re gushing over their nieces and nephews and trading their phones back and forth to look at pictures. 

Tuesday and Wednesday begin the same way – recounting childhood memories and revealing moments of both triumph and embarrassment as they make their way uptown. Christen finds herself particularly energized at work after conversations with Tobin. 

The tone of their conversation on Thursday morning is a little bit more lighthearted and silly due to Tobin’s giddiness over having the next few days off. She’s rolling a tennis ball back and forth between her hands which reminds Christen of one of the very first times they hung out together on the train and she teases Tobin for her childlike behavior once again, though with a deeper sense of affection this time around. 

\--

Friday morning feels off, like really off. Even though she knew all week that Tobin wouldn’t be there waiting for her, she can’t quite shake the feeling that something is missing. The whole day ticks by incredibly slowly, both because there isn’t a lot going on at the hospital and because she is very much so looking forward to her evening plans.

Her workday finally comes to an end and she rushes home to shower and change before she has to go meet Tyler. They picked a restaurant in her neighborhood for her convenience, and because Tyler doesn’t have any preferences beyond that the food is good. 

She’s glad to see her sister but can’t help checking her watch for the time, not wanting to keep Tobin waiting. The third time it happens in the span of a few minutes Tyler grabs her wrist gently, forcing her to meet her eyes. 

“What’s going on, Chris? Are you okay?” 

Christen weighs her options. She could lie and say that it’s been a long week, she’s tired, and is looking forward to climbing into bed. Or, what she knows she should do, she can tell Tyler about Tobin and their precariously balanced friendship. 

She decides to go for it in the hopes that Tyler will provide the same blunt insight that Christen has been relying on for reality checks since they were kids. After explaining how they met and then grew closer, Christen tells her about Lauren’s warning and Tobin’s quick departure from their afternoon together to go meet someone else. Finally, she admits that she got really jealous when she saw Tobin flirting with that girl at the bar a week ago, something that she hadn’t even really admitted to herself yet, but that when they spoke about it, they agreed to keep things casual. 

“When did you agree to that? All I’m hearing is that you keep making assumptions about what she wants on her behalf,” Tyler says with a pointed glare, letting Christen know she isn’t getting out of answering the question.

Christen realizes that she doesn’t really have an acceptable answer which causes her to start down a spiral of second guessing. 

But before she’s able to undo all of the progress they’ve made over the past few days Tyler interrupts her, “Chris, listen to me.” She waits until she’s sure she has Christen’s attention. “If you’re happy, I’m happy. It doesn’t matter what she is or is not looking for. At this point, I only care about you. So I just want to make sure that you don’t limit your own capacity for joy based on unfounded assumptions. That’s all. If the situation you’re currently in is what you want, it’s all good. No big deal.”

Christen takes a moment to process Tyler’s words and check in with herself. _Any Tobin is better than no Tobin_ she decides as a means of justifying herself. She tells Tyler as much which seems to satisfy her, at least for the time being.

They spend the rest of dinner gossiping about the bride and the other bridesmaids and Christen is grateful for her sister’s flare for drama and the distraction it provides. 

When their stomachs are full and the bill is paid, Christen hugs Tyler tightly and thanks her for being there for her and then sends her off in the direction of her hotel before she makes her way over to Tobin’s.

\-- 

A short walk takes Christen to Tobin’s building and she locates Tobin’s name on the list next to the buzzer then pushes the button. While she waits, she checks in with herself again. Her day was fine and her evening promises to be better, especially after clarifying things with Tyler. It’s nice, she thinks, to get to be excited to see Tobin rather than nervous.

After a moment, the speaker makes a garbled noise that startles her and then she hears Tobin’s lilt, “Chris?” 

She holds down the microphone button, “Yeah, it’s me.” 

“Alrighty-then, come on up!” Tobin responds enthusiastically and Christen can’t help but laugh at her choice of words.

 Tobin’s studio is on the fourth floor of a walk-up which, Christen realizes, must contribute at least a little bit to how in shape she is. 

At the top of the third flight of stairs, she takes a moment to steady her breathing before she knocks. Despite her efforts just seconds earlier, when Tobin opens the door, Christen loses her breath again. Tobin looks good. She thinks back to all the times she’s seen Tobin out of her work clothes but either she was wearing workout clothes or they were in a very poorly lit bar. Seeing her tight jeans and an even tighter shirt in good lighting makes Christen’s mouth go dry and she has to clear her throat before she can say anything. 

\-- 

After a minute of standing in the entry-way not quite awkwardly but not quite comfortably either, Tobin shakes her head as though she’s remembering something and Christen looks at her curiously.

“Sorry, I don’t usually have people over, I’m not a great host. Do you, uh, want a drink – or something?” Tobin offers and Christen can feel her shoulders relax at the knowledge that she’s not the only one who’s nervous. 

She follows Tobin over to the kitchen and watches her pour them heavy-handed gin & tonics, meticulously slicing wedges of lime for the rim of each glass. 

Once the drinks are ready, Tobin leads them over to the couch which appears to be the only furniture in the entire apartment aside from a bed and a bookshelf that has two shelves stuffed with books and the rest with piles of records. 

“Which is your favorite?” Christen asks, nodding toward the vinyls. 

Tobin looks at her, mouth agape. “Would you ask a mother which of their children is their favorite?” she responds, her tone indignant. 

“No,” Christen laughs, “but they’re records, not children, so it seems like a reasonable question to me.” 

“Fair enough,” Tobin shrugs. “I guess I’d have to say my signed copy of Piano Man?” She gets up from the couch and walks over to the shelf to pull it down. “My dad got it for me before I left for college and it’s how I started collecting.” 

They go back and forth trading stories of the long car rides filled with music of their youth and how their parents have influenced their musical preferences.   

\-- 

Eventually, the conversation lulls and Christen takes a sip of her drink then clears her throat. “So, what do you like?”

Tobin looks up, a puzzled expression on her face, “what do you mean?”

Christen steels herself against her nerves to clarify, “I mean, how do you like to be fucked? I want to make sure you enjoy it.” Her voice gets softer as she speaks, wanting Tobin to answer. 

Tobin smiles in response, “I’m sure I’ll like whatever you do, but I wouldn’t mind you on your knees,” and then winks at her. 

It sends a shiver down Christen’s spine and her sense of nervousness shifts into anticipation. She takes another leap of faith and gets up from the couch. “I’m going to, um, freshen up. I’ll be right back,” she says, pointing toward the bathroom. 

She takes her time tying her hair back and then stares at herself in the mirror smoothing out the wrinkles in her shirt and wishing she had a toothbrush. Eventually she decides to use some of Tobin’s toothpaste on her finger, something is better than nothing she reasons. Then, she washes her hands carefully, making sure to scrub under her nails. When she’s satisfied, she gives herself a final onceover before opening the door back into the studio.

\--

When she steps out, Tobin is right where she left her on the couch. She sits back down and Tobin leans in then crinkles her nose, “Did you use my toothbrush?” 

Christen’s eyes go wide as she shakes her head, “No, just some toothpaste.” 

Tobin laughs, “Should’ve guessed, you never cease to amaze me with your authenticity, Dr. Press.” 

“You always sound like you’re making fun of me when you call me that,” Christen tries not to pout. 

Tobin shifts her weight onto her hand so that she can lean over closer to Christen’s ear, “I like to tease,” she pauses to place her other hand high on Christen’s thigh, “you know that already.” 

Christen gulps and nods her head in agreement. 

“And you like to be teased.”

Christen nods again. 

“You want me to tell you what to do,” Tobin punctuates her observation with a nip to the lobe of Christen’s ear. 

Christen nods a third time as she bites her bottom lip in an attempt to hold back the whimper threatening to escape. 

Tobin sits back against the couch and spreads her legs so that her knee nudges against Christen’s. “You want me to tell you come sit here,” she pats the tops of her thighs, “so I can bite your neck just how you like.” 

This time Christen is powerless against the whimper that builds in the back of her throat as she scrambles to climb over Tobin. 

As soon as Christen is settled, or as close to settled as she can be while also being very much on edge, Tobin wraps her fingers around her ponytail and pulls her close, “Tell me that’s what you want.” 

Even though it’s phrased as a command, Christen knows that Tobin is asking for consent and she gives it to her, “Yeah,” her voice is breathy, “you know I do.” 

Tobin gets to work nipping along the column of Christen’s throat, stopping only to suck at the place where Christen’s pulse beats rapidly. She slides her hands down Christen’s back and slides her hands into her back pockets, pulling her even closer and squeezing her ass. Christen roles into her and they both moan at the pressure. 

She slips her hands under the hem of Christen’s shirt and up to the band of her bra which she swiftly unhooks and then she pulls back so that Christen can take her shirt off more easily. 

As soon as the shirt falls to the floor and Christen’s bra straps slide down her arms, Tobin ducks down to kiss across Christen’s chest. She can feel Christen getting increasingly worked up and she smiles into her breast in anticipation for what’s to come.

She sits back against the couch and looks up at Christen whose chest is heaving, “I think it’s time,” she offers with a smirk. 

Christen looks down at her with a mixture of confusion and desperation painted on her face, “Time for what?” 

Tobin leans in to speak with a low hum right into Christen’s ear, “For you to get on your knees, Chris.” 

Christen whimpers as the fire builds in the pit of her belly and she grinds down against Tobin’s lap involuntarily. 

“C’mon,” Tobin says rather sternly as she places her hands on Christen’s hips and pushes her back so that the edge of her butt is no longer on her lap. Christen sinks down the rest of the way and shifts back and forth on her knees to get comfortable and then reaches up to undo the button of Tobin’s jeans. 

Tobin presses down into the rug with her heels so that she can lift her hips and slide her jeans and boy shorts down enough that Christen can easily pull them off. Christen tosses them behind her and feels Tobin’s hands in her hair again encouraging her to lean back in. 

At first she intends to get Tobin back for teasing but then Tobin spreads her legs and Christen can see, really see, that Tobin wants it just as badly as she does. She presses a quick kiss to the inside of her thigh just below the v-cut of her hip and then uses her fingers to open Tobin up. She dips her head down to get to work and licks a broad stroke with her tongue from Tobin’s entrance up to her just below clit.

She moans into her at the taste and circles her tongue around Tobin’s clit a few times, careful to avoid actually touching the bundle of nerves, and then sits back on her heels to admire her work. She grins up at Tobin who smiles back before gently tugging on Christen’s ponytail, encouraging her to continue. 

She works Tobin up with her tongue until Tobin is lifting her hips in search of more. She blows a gentle stream of air across Tobin’s clit which causes her to twitch and she momentarily lets go of Christen’s hair. 

“Christen,” she says warningly and it’s clear she’s close to losing it. 

Deciding that she’s built her up enough, Christen wraps her lips around Tobin’s clit and sucks gently as she slides first one and then another finger into her. She uses her free hand to hold Tobin’s hips down and builds as steady of a rhythm as she can from her position on the floor. She curls her fingers forward every couple of thrusts and soon she can feel Tobin tightening around her. One last thrust coupled with a flick of her tongue sends Tobin barreling over the edge and Christen reeling back on her heels. 

\--

When they’re both able to catch their breath, Tobin leans down and pulls Christen back up into her lap. “I was right,” she says, the smug smile returning to her face, “you are good on your knees.” 

Christen has the decency to blush but Tobin wraps her arms around her and pulls her tight into her chest. Then, she loosens her grip and leans over so that Christen has to lay back on the couch. “Did you like it, too?” she asks as she tugs her shirt off over her head and then reaches to unbutton Christen’s jeans.

Before Christen has a chance to say anything, Tobin is sliding her fingers down through Christen’s folds and the wetness she finds is more than enough proof that she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was (also) worth the wait - it really is much longer than all the other chapters! Let me know what you think in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com! And, thanks for reading!


	8. Mad as Rabbits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! This is the longest chapter yet, I hope it's worth the wait!

As summer wanes and autumn settles over the city, Christen and Tobin find themselves in a steady routine. They continue to commute together whenever they’re on the same shift, finding comfort in each other’s presence even if they don’t say much. Most of the time, because they’re on the train so early in the morning and late at night, they keep each other company in near silence, exchanging looks when other commuters are particularly obnoxious or they come across something amusing on social media.

Though they cherish that small bit of quiet within the chaos, it isn’t enough. By the middle of October, they’ve also established a tradition of setting aside time each week, either after work or on a day they both have off, to enjoy each other’s company outside of the confines of their commute.

They go to museums and art galleries, try new restaurants and explore little neighborhoods all over the city. Each time Tobin picks her up for one of their adventures, Christen has to remind herself that they’re just friends. Friends who have sex and sleepovers and bring each other coffee and snuggle on the couch when it’s cold, sure. But friends, that’s it, and nothing more.

\--

Tobin tries to bring it up a couple of times, asking Christen questions about her past relationships and what she might be looking for in the future.

Christen makes herself believe that she’s asking about the past out of friendly curiosity and about the future as a means to potentially set her up.

\--

The first Sunday of November, Sam and Rachel drag Christen out to brunch while Tobin is at church. She had woken up when Tobin left and made the mistake of leaving her room to say goodbye. When Rachel saw she was awake, she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Rooms, I’m serious, it feels like we haven’t hung out in a month.”

Christen tries to protest, wanting to stay in bed all morning and wallow in her feelings, “That’s not true, we sha-“

Rachel cuts her off, “Us sharing a bottle of wine on Wednesday when you were dead tired does not count, mate. Just come to brunch with us, you can have coffee, mimosas and my company, what more could you want?”

Christen groans but accepts her fate and starts getting ready. Half an hour later, Sam buzzes up to let them know she’s waiting and they make their way down to meet her.

\--

“So,” Sam puts her hands down on the table to get Christen’s attention as the waiter walks away to put in their order, “what going on with you and Tobin? When were you gonna tell us you had a girlfriend?”

Christen buries her face in her hands, both embarrassed and annoyed. “Nothing’s going on, we’re just friends,” she mumbles through her fingers, hoping that Sam and Rachel will layoff.

She peaks up to look across the table at them and with a sinking feeling in the pit of she realizes that they dragged her to brunch for more than just a catchup. It’s an intervention.

“Chris,” Sam looks at her with something that she might mistake for pity if she didn’t know any better, “that clearly isn’t true. I promise we won’t judge. Just please be honest with us.”

She tries to swallow the lump in her throat, to explain that everything really is fine, but her breath catches and her eyes brim with tears.

“Oh, honey,” Sam swings around the table to wrap her arm around Christen’s shoulders. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” she coos as Rachel reaches across to hold Christen’s hand.

They give her a few moments to breathe, to let her feelings settle, before they start up again.

“Clearly it’s stressing you out, we really aren’t gonna judge you. We,” Rachel looks over at Sam who nods, “we just really think it’ll be good for you to talk through it. Even if you decide you don’t want to change anything, it’s important that you know how you’re feeling.”

Christen’s pout slowly turns into a watery smile as she’s comforted by how supportive her friends are being. “When did you lot turn into therapists?” she can’t help but joke.

“We’re not, honey, we just want to be there for you,” Sam winks, “but if you tell anyone I’ve gone soft, I won’t hesitate to put a hit out.”

Christen smiles for real this time, “Fair enough. But the problem is  I - I don’t even know where to start.”

Sam quirks her eyebrow in a way that makes it clear that Christen can’t weasel her way out of it, “How about the beginning?”

In an effort to buy herself some time, she clears her throat and takes a sip of coffee. She knows that she’ll feel a lot better if she’s honest with her friends, especially about the warning Lauren gave her and how hung up on it she is. She looks back up at her friends and sees that they’re patience hasn’t waned so she gulps down the rest of her mimosa, part of her hoping that the alcohol will give her the courage she needs.

Just as she’s finally about to open up, the waiter appears with their food.

With their plates set down in front of them, they can’t deny their hunger so they eat and fill the time with small talk about art exhibits they’ve been to recently and some of the crazy patients that Christen has had to deal with since they last caught up. The conversation steers so far from Sam and Rachel’s initial line of questioning that Christen really thinks she may have gotten away with not having to tell them anything, not having to actually face her feelings and admit that she’s unhappy.

The food is really good and they’re all stuffed, groaning about how they can’t even think about eating again until tomorrow. Relief washes over Christen when the waiter comes back with the bill. But then Sam stops him, “Can we actually get another round of coffee?”

The relief of a moment ago disappears and is replaced by dread. _Just rip the bandaid off for god’s sake. The waiting is what’s making you anxious_ Christen reprimands herself.

“So, I guess I’ll just get right into it?”

Rachel nods gently and Sam mutters under her breath something that sounds an awful lot like _fucking finally._

“I, um, I really like Tobin but I don’t think she really likes me. Well, I mean, I know she really likes me, we’re like best friends at this point. But I don’t think she _likes_ likes me and I don’t know what to do. And a mutual friend of ours at the hospital told me that she’s not into serious relationships so I shouldn’t expect that from her but it’s just really hard when I feel like everything we do is a date and we sleep, like actually sleep, together almost every night we’re both off.

“And it’s not fair to her to expect more from her when I know that isn’t what she wants but I can’t help it,” Christen’s voice breaks because the irony seems so desperately unfair to her.

“Chris?” Rachel waits for Christen to look at her, “how do you know that isn’t what she wants? Like have you asked her?”

Christen shakes her head, embarrassment rises in her cheeks at having to admit that her whole conundrum is based on a series of assumptions.

“Honey, you have to ask her.” The intensity of Sam’s gaze catches Christen off guard, “Or at least tell her how you feel. What’s unfair is you not being truthful. And it’s unfair to both of you. I think you know better.”

“Okay, you’re right. I will.”

“Soon?”

“Soon.”

\--

The last afternoon of weekend passes rather quietly and before Christen is ready, it’s time to meet Tobin at the train on Monday morning. The whole walk to the station Christen pumps herself up for confrontation but when she gets there her plans are thwarted by Tobin’s gleaming smile and a hot cup of coffee.

“I really can make my own, y’know?” she offers as she steps out of Tobin’s arms with her cup in hand to head down the stairs.

“I know,” Tobin winks at her and Christen’s heart constricts a little bit because the thought of having to ask Tobin for more is so scary but not quite as scary as the thought of losing her all together, “but I like getting to bring it for you. How was the rest of your weekend?”

“Really good, yours?” Christen curses her anxiety and self-doubt because of course Tobin presents her with the perfect opportunity to bring up her concerns in a totally casual way and of course she throws it away almost instantly with a cookie-cutter reply.

Tobin shares that the morning at church was great, her friends who had been out of town for a few weeks were back and she got to sit with them. Just as she starts recapping her pastor’s sermon, the train arrives and she wraps her hand around Christen’s elbow to hold her close as they get on. “I know you’re not really religious, but I think it’d be cool if you could come with me sometimes. Pastor Joel gives the best sermons, I always leave thinking about what he said and feeling like I learned something new. No pressure, obviously, but I guess since it’s important to me I’d like to share it with you.”

Christen tilts her head and smiles at Tobin, “Well, when you put it like that, I definitely can’t say no.”

\--

The week passes almost without incident. Friday evening, Christen finds herself leaning against her locker in the physicians’ room, waiting for Tobin so they can go to dinner. After being alone with her thoughts for a few minutes, she pulls out her phone hoping for a distraction. She realizes she must have found a good one because all of a sudden there are arms wrapped around her waist and a chin nestled in the crook of her neck.

“Hi,” she says with an air of dreaminess as she tilts her head down to rest on Tobin’s and lets herself believe for a moment that they are more than friends.

Tobin turns to press a gentle kiss to her cheek, “Hi, ready to go?”

Christen nods and Tobin spins her around so that they’re face to face. “How do you look so good after five 10-plus hour days in a row?”

“Wh-what?” Christen stutters and her cheeks burn with the look Tobin is giving her.

“I mean you’re beautiful, Chris.” And then Tobin is leaning in and Christen moves to meet her.

Kissing quickly turns to making out. Tobin pushes the jacket off of Christen’s shoulders and slides her hands under the hem of her sweater to pull her closer.

Christen’s chest starts to tighten from the lack of air so she pulls back to take a breath and when she does the light coming through the doorway startles her. Dr. Holiday, her boss and friend, Tobin’s friend, is standing there, with a glint in her eye that Christen knows means trouble.

“Dr. Press, Dr. Heath, fancy meeting you here,” she laughs in a way that conveys that she’ll let them off the hook this time but only because it’s late on Friday and she cares more about getting home than about reprimanding them.

Christen is too embarrassed to say anything but Tobin, cool as always, laughs, “I’ve seen way worse from you and Jrue, Chens, tell him I say hi.”

Lauren laughs in returns as she pulls on her coat, “You’ve got me there. Have a good weekend.”

\--

Christen rolls over in Tobin’s bed and reaches for her phone to check the time. It’s still far too early to be awake on a Saturday but handful of notification she sees on the screen jolts her awake.

[Lauren Holiday]: 6:45am

_So, missy, I think we need to do lunch ASAP._

 

Christen starts to type a response and then deletes it a handful of times before deciding to keep it simple, not assuming anything.

[Christen Press]: 7:05am

_Sure, at work? Or on an off day?_

[Lauren Holiday]: 7:06am

_How’s tomorrow?_

_You can come out to me or I can meet you in the city, whichever you prefer._

Christen thinks back to the last time she was on Long Island and then looks over at Tobin who is still peacefully asleep with an arm outstretched, searching for Christen.

[Christen Press]:

_I can come to you._

_As long as we can take the dog for a walk after we eat._

[Lauren Holiday]:

_Perfect, I’ll pick you up at the train like last time so just let me know when you’ll get in._

\--

 “Mm, Lauren,” Christen clears her throat, “this was delicious. Thank you.”

“Any time, Chris. I mean it,” she replies with a smile as she gets up to clear the table.

Instead of going out for lunch like Christen had assumed they would, Lauren had cooked for them while Jrue was out with the kids. Once again, Christen was amazed by how put-together Lauren’s life seemed. She was able to balance having a healthy relationship with her husband, caring for three children and a dog, and maintain her status as one of the best obstetricians in the city. Christen could hardly imagine everything working out so nicely for herself, no matter how badly she was hoping it would.

“Shall we?” Lauren asks, nodding her head toward the door, the dog’s leash in hand. Christen gets up quickly to follow her.

Moments later they’re walking comfortably on a path that overlooks the water that begins at the entrance to Lauren’s cul-de-sac. She looks around and takes in her surroundings. She watches as the gulls fly low over the water looking for food. She notices the soft crash of the water against the rocks at the shore. She’s so mesmerized by changing and fallen leaves that line the path that Lauren resorts to poking her to get her attention.

“So, care to share?”

Christen takes a big breath. She knew this was coming. She even went so far as to practice what she would say before she went to bed last night and again on the train this morning.

“I guess there are two things going on and I’m not exactly sure how to reconcile them.” Lauren nods, encouraging her to continue. “You, um, saw me? With Tobin. The other night. Well, that happens a lot? Not in the physicians’ room. Ever, really. That was a first. And I’m so sorry. But the, um, kissing part. We, uh, do that?”

Lauren looks at her questioningly, “So you’re together?”

Christen lets out a sigh that signals both confusion and frustration. “No, that’s kind of the problem. Remember at the barbeque you told me to be careful with her?” She looks for Lauren’s confirmation before she continues. “Well, we became really good friends and she’s just so charming. I feel like I can’t say no. Especially because she’s so respectful about that stuff? And it’s really hard to tell where the line is between being best friends who do everything together and also have a friends-with-benefits arrangement and being together in a relationship. And, I guess, just because of what you’ve said, I convinced myself that there’s no way she’d actually want to be with me. I don’t know if I’m more scared of driving myself crazy with the not-knowing or telling her and then losing her for good.”

Lauren puts her arm around Christen’s shoulders and pulls her in for a hug. “Oh, Christen. I’m so sorry. I should have been more clear. She’s a really good person and so are you. I definitely think you need to talk to her. You might be surprised by what she has to say.”

They get to a bench that sits between the shore and the path, “Wanna sit for a minute? You look like you could use it,” Lauren offers and Christen quickly takes her up on it. “I’ve known Tobin for years and she really is a good egg. I meant that she’s a heartbreaker. Easy to fall in love with, so I’ve heard. And I didn’t want you getting into anything too deep so soon after what I understood to be a very serious relationship.”

Christen nods along and tries not to be angry, at herself or Lauren, knowing that it won’t change anything. “Alright, I appreciate you looking out for me. You really think I should talk to her about this? How do I know I can trust you on this?” She tries to joke but it falls a little flat.

“You don’t, but you should anyway. And I will accept 100% of the blame if it goes poorly. I promise.” With that, Lauren stands back up and holds out her hand to Christen, “let’s get back. I think the kids will be there. Maybe we can have some ice cream before I take you to the train?”

\--

Christen is quiet, more so than usual, during their commute on Monday morning but Tobin doesn’t think much of it.

She doesn’t think much of it that evening either because she knows that Christen had a long and frustrating day.

She tries not to think much of it on Tuesday but it’s hard. She distracts herself on twitter until she gets bored and then gives up and stares at Christen out of the corner of her eye wondering if she should ask what’s going on.

Wednesday morning Christen greets her so enthusiastically that she wonders she was imagining the quietude of the prior two days. She’s grateful for the change because they’re scheduled to work together all day. She thinks Christen is touchier than usual while managing to maintain their professionalism, a hand on her shoulder during huddle or a pat on her back as they walk between patient rooms. Not that she minds.

It’s unseasonably cold on Thursday, the sky is the light kind of gray that promises snow even though there isn’t any in the forecast so Tobin brings hot cocoa for Christen in addition to the usual coffee.

“It’s a bit early for double-fisting, don’t you think?” Christen jokes when Tobin hands her both of the travel mugs. Tobin laughs and her concern from earlier in the week melts away. “Speaking of, well kinda, Ali and Ashlyn, do you know them?”

Tobin nods, “Yeah, Ash and I are bros. I did a pretty long rotation in the ED a while ago.”

“Oh, wonderful! Well, they invited me to dinner tomorrow and asked if you could come so I told them I’d ask.”

“Yeah, that’d be dope!” Tobin grins, glad that they’ll get to spend the evening together with some of their friends.

Christens affection continues through the rest of the commute. She leans against Tobin’s side on the train and then surprises Tobin with a quick kiss to her cheek before they enter the hospital.

When Tobin walks through the door, she sees Allie, Alex and Julie there in the lobby getting ready to leave from working the nightshift, mouths agape.

“Tobin Powell Heath, you dirty dog,” Alex whisper-yells as soon as Tobin is close enough.

Tobin smiles guiltily, knowing that she’ll have to explain herself before they’ll let her get to work. But instead of coming clean right away, she plays dumb, “What?”

“Oh, you know what!” Allie implores, swatting at her arm. “Since when do you have a girlfriend? And Dr. Press of all people; she’s way out your league, Harry.”

Tobin rolls her eyes, “Fuck you, dude. First of all, she’s not my girlfriend, we’re just friends. And second of all, she is out of my league but you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

“Oh, Tobes. You know you’re a catch,” Julie winks, “but why didn’t you tell us? You know we love office gossip!”

“Thank you for admitting it, but that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you,” Tobin whines. “You’ll never shut up about it and there isn’t anything to talk about.”

Alex gives Tobin a look, “Clearly that isn’t true or you wouldn’t be so flustered. We have, like, two minutes before you have to be upstairs and we need to be on our way home so either spill quick or text us later.”

Tobin thinks about it for a second, seriously contemplating telling them that she wants more with Christen but is really confused by what Christen wants, before deciding just to wave them off. “I promise I’ll tell you as soon as there’s actually something to know.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Alex chuckles as they all part ways, “have a good day T.”

“You too, guys. Sleep well!”

\--

After work on Friday, Tobin and Christen change into the going out clothes they brought with them and bundle up before stepping out of the hospital to begin the walk to the restaurant where they’re meeting Ali and Ashlyn. It’s only a few blocks away but they use the late-autumn chill as an excuse to walk huddled together.

Tobin pulls the door of the restaurant open with her left hand, her right still wrapped around Christen’s elbow. They’re hit with a blast of heat and the smell of pizza filling the air. Christen makes eye contact with the hostess who lets them know lets them know that they’re the first to arrive before leading them to their table.

Ali and Ashlyn arrive not long after they’re seated and Tobin quickly orders them a bottle of wine to share. When the waitress comes back with the wine, they order a few appetizers to share and Ashlyn starts telling a story about a dementia patient who believed that the bed of the ambulance was a beach cabana and kept trying to take off her clothes no matter what they did or said. Everyone is laughing at the ridiculousness when the waitress brings over their first course. She puts the place down and then takes their entrée orders, letting them know that they’ll be out soon and to enjoy.

Tobin sits with her right hand on Christen’s thigh, hidden under the table, and reaches across with her left for the bread basket.

Christen takes the opportunity to lean forward and whisper into Tobin’s ear, “Hi.” Tobin just winks at her in response as she puts some bread on her plate.

Neither of them wants to be the one to look away when Ali interrupts them, “You guys are really cute, how exactly did you get together? I don’t think I ever heard the full story.”

“Oh, um, actually,” Tobin starts to deny but Christen interrupts. She doesn’t want to hear Tobin say it, it hurts too much to think about, so she does it herself.

“We’re not together, actually. We’re just friends. But we have a lot of fun, don’t we Tobes,” she says with an attempt at a wink of her own, trying her best to make light of the uncomfortable situation.

“Oh my goodness, my bad, I’m sorry for assuming,” Ali’s face blushes in embarrassment.

“It’s really not a big deal,” Christen reassures, doing her best to sound confident, “there are worse people to be mistaken for being in a relationship with than Tobin.”

Luckily, the food is really good so everyone focuses on that as a distraction until they’ve all but forgotten about the discomfort of the moment.

When the main courses arrive, Ali and Ashlyn split theirs right off the bat but Christen eats off Tobin’s plate until she’s had enough and just switches with her. Christen has the decency to give a sheepish smile as she digs in to Tobin’s cavatelli which she likes much better than penne primavera she had gotten for herself.

By the time dessert roles around, they’ve put the awkwardness behind them and they’re back to sitting practically on top of each other. When Tobin feeds Christen a bite of tiramisu despite the fact that Christen has her own spoon in her hand, Ali has to bite her tongue not to comment.

The train ride home is uneventful. They’re far enough uptown that they get to sit the whole way home. They sit the same way they were at the restaurant, Christen’s head on Tobin’s shoulder, Tobin’s hand on Christen’s thigh.

When the train pulls into Christen’s stop, she makes no move to get up. Tobin gives her thigh an appreciative squeeze and a few minutes later they get up, fingers linked, as they walk back to Tobin’s apartment.

They hang their coats by the door and puts their bags down in a heap on the floor, not really caring that it’s blocking most of the entryway.

“Do you want another glass of wine?” Tobin offers.

Christen is already over by the record player, trying to decide what she wants to put on, “Oh, sure, thanks.”

Moments later, Christen takes a seat on the couch and, having made her selection, Billie Holiday’s voice fills the space.

When Tobin brings the wine over, she hands both glasses to Christen so she can sit and drapes her legs across Christen’s lap. Christen gets a text from Olivia which gets them started on a conversation about travel when Christen reminds Tobin that she met Olivia when she spent the summer in Sweden.

They trade stories about childhood trips and the chaos they caused with their siblings. They share the experiences they had traveling during college when they probably drank a little too much but learned a lot about themselves anyway.

Their wine glasses are long empty when Tobin asks where Christen wants to go next.

“Being from California, I feel like there are a lot of places on the east coast that I haven’t really seen. Did you know I’ve never been south of Virginia except for Florida, and Disney doesn’t count as the south,” she laughs.

“We should go,” Tobin suggests, looking intently at Christen.

“Like we’d be able to get vacation at the same time,” Christen sighs.

“I’ll make it happen,” Tobin swings her legs off of Christen’s lap and gets up. “Come to bed?”

Christen doesn’t have it in her to say no.

\--

Tobin keeps Christen distracted all day Saturday but she goes home Saturday night because Tobin was supposed to go to her nephew’s birthday party and neither of them could come up with a reasonable excuse for Christen to tag along.

When she walks through the door of her apartment, Rachel is sitting on the couch and she’s immediately reminded of the day months ago when she first admitted to her crush on Tobin. Ali’s words from the night before come flooding back and force her to examine the way that she and Tobin treat each other.

It occurs to her that from the most object perspective she’s capable of taking that they really do act like they’re together. Neither of them is seeing anyone, as far as she knows, and the only thing they haven’t done is define their relationship. Or at least have an honest conversation about it.

Even though she promised Lauren that she would talk to Tobin, the more she thinks about it the more she convinces herself that if Tobin wanted to be with her they would already be together and she lets herself retreat into embarrassment once again.

\--

The train arrives on Monday morning and Christen refuses to make eye contact with Tobin. She holds herself to one or two word answers and vows to maintain physical space between them as much as possible even on the crowded train.

Tobin doesn’t push her but Christen can see as they’re walking into work that she’s visibly hurt and it breaks her heart.

Something has to change.

She needs to be brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com! And, thanks for reading!


	9. Northern Downpour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen goes to the hospital, but not for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, hope it was worth it! Also, be ware of some graphic-ish medical descriptions. If that's not your thing, tread lightly.

_Tobin. I really like you._

_Tobin. Can we talk?_

_Tobin.  I think I want to be with you._

_Tobin. I’m really sorry._

_Tobin? Do you have a minute? I just wanted you to know that I really like you. I mean, what I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you. Is there any way you would maybe want to be with me?  
_

_Tobin, I’m sorry for how hot and cold I’ve been the past few months. I’m really grateful that we’ve gotten to know each other and I really like spending time with you. I was wondering, would you want to maybe consider being together?  
_

_Tobin, I’m in love with you.  
_

Christen sits at her desk between patients scribbling in her notebook, trying to figure out how to express her feelings to Tobin without scaring her off. Each time she starts to write down how she feels, she’s hit with a wave of confusion and she tears the page out of her notebook in frustration.

She tries a few more times during lunch but nothing seems to make sense and she’s making herself dizzy to the point that her stomach feels off. The more she thinks about it, the more she doesn’t feel well but she blames it on the stress of her potentially unrequited feelings. 

Her “break” ends and she steps back out on to the floor but a stomach cramp stops her in her tracks. She leans against the wall hoping it’ll pass. Eventually it does and she’s momentarily relieved. But then it comes back while she’s in the room with a patient and it’s so bad that she has to step out for a minute which is really unlike her. The nurses are start to get concerned but she assures them that she’s fine and that it’s probably just her period or something. 

In the end, she leaves work early because Julie tells her to in her _don’t argue with me, I’m not playing around_ voice. (The one that can get even the most dramatic expectant mothers to listen.) She spends the better part of the afternoon trying to convince herself that it’s just the anxiety of still not knowing where she stands with Tobin, but when 4 o’clock rolls around and the discomfort seems only to have gotten worse, she decides to take advantage of the fact that she’s an attending (something she rarely does) and tell Dr. Holiday, at Julie’s insistence, that she needs to take off the rest of the day. 

\-- 

The ride home is hard. She’s in the kind of pain that gets better for a second each time she changes position but after a moment it comes back. She’s also alone. After months of commuting with Tobin, the crowded train feels exceptionally lonely. She kind of wants to cry but she bites her tongue and reminds herself to take a taxi the next time she goes home sick. 

When she gets home, she drops her stuff by the door then manages to make herself a cup of Sleepy Time tea, take some Advil, and wrap a blanket around her shoulders in the hopes that a nap will make the discomfort go away.

She tosses and turns for what feels like hours but the pain doesn’t seem to subside at all. 

Rachel finds her there, laying with her head hanging off the side of the couch so that her abdomen is extended. “Chris, why the fuck are you home right now? Are you okay?” 

“Mmm,” Christen groans, “not really.” 

“What’s the matter?” 

“I dunno, my stomach hurts. Like a lot. And I don’t know why.” 

Rachel wants to laugh but bites her lip to hold it in, “Wadda ya mean you don’t know why? You and all for friends except for me and Sam are doctors, I’m sure you guys could figure it out.” 

Christen exaggerates rolling her eyes so that she’s sure that Rachel can see, “I’m well aware, thank you. I just don’t think it’s that serious. I’ll see someone if it’s still this bad in the morning.” 

\-- 

Tobin checks her watch for the 10th time in as many minutes. Counting down until her shift is over and she can go find Christen so they can talk about whatever the fuck is going on makes time pass that much more slowly. She feels like 12 years have passed by the time she signs off on her notes and hands off to the night shift.

She’s about to knock on Christen’s office door when she feels something (a pen) hit her square in the shoulder. 

“She’s not there.” 

Tobin spins around, confused, “What? Why not?” 

Julie shrugs, unsure how much of Christen’s personal business to disclose, “Seemed like she wasn’t feeling well, I made her take the rest of the day since we actually weren’t understaffed for once. Don’t really know what was going on though. You’ll have to ask her yourself.” 

“Oh, uh, okay. Thanks. Have a good night Julie.” 

“Take care, Doc.”

Tobin pulls her phone out from her jacket pocket and starts typing a message to Christen but then second-guesses herself. _What if she left without telling me because she didn’t want me to know? Well, obviously I’d find out when I was getting ready to leave and we weren’t leaving together. I should text her, right? That’s what friends do? Are we even friends?_

Tobin’s mind is racing so she shoves her phone back in her pocket and decides she’ll put off making a decision until she gets home. 

\-- 

Rachel makes them dinner and Christen tries to eat. She really does. But she can barely swallow a few bites before she’s running over to the toilet to throw up. She sits slumped over on the floor, her head hanging over the toilet bowl, retching for a few minutes before Rachel comes in to check on her. 

“Chris, are you sure you’re okay? Because you really don’t sound it?” 

She starts to answer when the pain spikes again and she gags, dry heaving into the toilet. She takes a breath when the pain eases for a second and she manages to get out, “M-maybe not. Umm. Could you, uh, grab my phone for me? Please?” 

She retches one more time before she stands up and washes her hands and face at the sink. She rinses out her mouth and then chances taking a couple of sips of water. When she’s actually able to swallow and keep them down, she takes that as a win. 

Rachel steps back into the bathroom with Christen’s phone in hand. Her jaw drops as she sees the sickly pallor of Christen’s face reflected in the mirror. “Mate, I think you need to go back to the hospital. You look like shit,” concern evident in her voice. 

Christen manages to take the phone from Rachel but has to sit against the side of the tub before she can even unlock it because the pain is making her so dizzy. Her instinct is to call Tobin and she almost does before she realizes what she’s doing and re-locks her phone to take a couple of deep breaths. Then she considers calling Lauren, or even Julie, before eventually deciding to call her parents. 

Rachel lingers outside the bathroom door wanting to make sure she can hear if anything goes wrong and Christen needs her help. She can tell that Christen is arguing with her mom but she can’t make out exactly what they’re saying. 

A few minutes go by and Christen seems okay enough that Rachel goes to get a glass of water from the kitchen when she’s called back by and exhausted sounding Christen, “Rach, I’m, um, I’m not gonna try to tough it out anymore. My parents think I shouldn't chance it and I think they might be right. Would you, uh, mind coming to the ER with me?” 

Instantly relieved, Rachel starts gathering her things, “Yeah, of course, Chris. Do you want me to call an uber?”

Christen nods, still sitting on the edge of the tub bent over in pain.

“Do you want to go to the one down here? Or go all the way uptown?”

“Is it silly to uptown? I know it’s far but I think I’ll be more comfortable where I know people.” 

“I think that makes sense,” Rachel shrugs as she types in the address. 

\-- 

By the time the uber pulls up, Rachel is wondering if she should be calling an ambulance instead but Christen keeps insisting through gritted teeth that she’s fine. Against her better judgment, Rachel helps Christen into the back of the car and convinces the driver that they’ll make it to the hospital without incident as long as he gets a move on. 

There’s a bunch of traffic on the FDR in midtown but half an hour later the driver pulls up to the entrance of the ED and Rachel lets out a deep sigh of relief. She tips the driver on her phone as she steps out of the car and then walks around to the passenger side to help Christen out.

She wraps one arm around Christen’s waist and presses her other hand against Christen’s shoulder to keep her as upright as possible as they make their way inside to the reception desk.

“Press, what are you doing here?” Rachel spins around, hoping that the voice belongs to someone who can help them. 

“Hey, Ash. I’m, um, having a bit of a stomach ache,” Christen tries to sound cheery but it more than falls flat. 

Rachel shakes her head in disapproval, “A bit? Chris, you’re in excruciating pain, don’t be dense.” 

“Shit, um, here,” Ashlyn looks around and then pulls out a chair, “why don’t you guys sit and I’ll get you checked in and tell Dr. Holiday that you’re here.” She turns to head over the the reception desk. 

“Wait,” Christen reaches out for Ashlyn’s hand, “Thanks, Ash but actually could you just try to find Dr. Naeher instead? I don’t really want Lauren to know yet if that’s okay.” 

“For sure, Doc. That makes sense. I’ll be right back,” Ash says with a quick nod before jogging off. 

Christen sits with elbows resting on her knees and her head resting in her hands. Rachel rubs gentle circles on her back, unsure of how else she can be helpful.

\-- 

Tobin sits on her couch with her phone in her hand, still unsure whether it’s appropriate or not to text Christen. She knows that, at the very least, they’re friends and friends are allowed to know things about each other. But she also knows, or at least she thinks she knows, that Christen is mad at her about something and she doesn’t want to bother her when she already isn’t feeling well. 

She starts typing out a message a couple of times but it feels forced. She tries typing with her eyes closed to see if that helps her get out of her head but instead she ends up thinking back over the past couple of weeks, months even, when things with Christen felt so easy. 

Being with Christen is easy. And then it dawns on her.

_I want to be, like really be, with Christen_.

Suddenly, all of the missed opportunities to make her feelings clear come flooding back to her. She recalls the promise they made on their first date to go on a second and a third but for some reason, unclear to Tobin, those never seemed to materialize. Then, with a sinking feeling, she realizes that Christen is probably avoiding her because she already knows about her feelings and doesn’t want to get caught up in them. Especially after they seemed to have agreed at some point that they were better off as friends. Tobin isn’t sure exactly when that happened but now that she thinks she understands she feels a little bit less unsettled. 

The renewed sense of clarity helps her put the last few months into perspective. She notices in retrospect that Christen would distance herself every time they did something where they acted too much like a couple to be just friends. She curses herself for doing something (or things) that bothered Christen and decides that being Christen’s friend is better than losing her. 

_I’ll control myself and make sure she knows I’m okay with being just friends if it’s the last thing I do. But I’m still gonna be a good friend. I should text her._

 

[Tobin Heath]: 7:43pm

_hey chris, are you okay?_

_julie said you went home sick or something but i missed you on the train home_

 

\-- 

Rachel is scrolling through instagram on her phone and Christen hasn’t really moved at all when Ashlyn shows up with Dr. Naeher in tow.

“Chris,” Ashlyn pats Christen’s shoulder gently to get her attention, “I brought Alyssa down to see you, do you think you can describe what’s going on?”

Christen looks up, still grimacing in pain, “There’s a really intense pain in my lower abdomen,” she pauses to breath, “with nausea and vomiting. But I’ve already had my appendix out so I know it isn’t that. I figured it was triggered by some anxiety I was having earlier today. But now I’m second-guessing myself because I’ve never had a physical response this intense.” 

Alyssa makes some notes and mumbles to herself for a moment, “Is it possible that you could be pregnant? Like is there any chance?”

Christen shakes her head, “I haven’t slept with a man in more than five years so I really hope not.” 

“Okay,” Alyssa looks back at her notes, “I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear but I’m thinking a possible ovarian torsion. Does your family have any history of ovarian cysts?” 

Christen blanches as she runs through her symptoms and realizes that there’s a good chance Alyssa is right, “I’m not sure, my grandma might have had one when my dad was a kid but we don’t really talk about health history as much as we probably should.” 

“Either way, we’re going to need to get you sent to imaging for an ultrasound. If it turns out that that’s what’s going on, we’ll have to get you into surgery right away. I have a few things I need to take care of first so I’m going to send the residents down to consent you, is that okay?” 

Christen nods and Alyssa sends out a page to the residents as she heads back into the hospital.

Rachel isn’t sure what exactly is going on but after the ultrasound, Alyssa comes back down and clearly has bad news. Christen gets taken up to surgery and Ashlyn is nice enough to walk Rachel to the waiting room on the floor where Christen will end up for recovery. 

\--

After the surgery, Alyssa finds Rachel, “Hey, Christen is gonna be fine and the surgery went as well as we could have hoped all things considered but I just wanted you to that she’ll probably be pretty upset when she wakes up so just keep that in mind.”

Rachel nods, trying not to let the fear show on her face. 

“You can go back and sit with her. Perk of the trade, I was able to get her a room to herself and the chair in there is pretty comfy. Christen has my number so if you need anything you should be able to reach me but the nurses on the recovery floor are great so you should be okay.” 

Rachel nods again, “Thanks, Doc, which room is she in again?” 

“723.” 

“Got it, thanks again.”

When Rachel enters the rooms, Christen is still asleep and she has a couple of IVs running from her arms and hands.  Thankfully, the color seems to have returned to her cheeks but there’s a sheen of sweat on her forehead and her lips look dry and chapped.

She makes herself comfortable and looking around for the remote so that she can turn on the tv when she sees Christen start to stir. Her eyes flutter a little bit and she groans before going quiet again.

Rachel finds the remote and is about to turn the tv on when she hears Christen groan again.

She stills, waiting for Christen to do it again.

“To-in?” 

“What did you say, Christen? Can you say it for me one more time?” 

“Where’s To-in?” Christen opens her eyes briefly but seems to fall back asleep almost immediately. 

Rachel thinks for a moment before realizing who Christen is asking for and grabs Christen’s phone to see if she can get a hold of her. 

Much to her surprise, there’s a text from Tobin waiting for her, well, for Christen really.

 

[Tobin Heath]: 7:43pm

_hey chris, are you okay?_

_julie said you went home sick or something but i missed you on the train home_

 

[Christen Press]: 8:57pm

_Hey Tobin, it’s Rachel, Christen’s roommate._

_I’m with Chris in the hospital and she’s pretty out of it but she keeps asking for you._

_I get that you have the night off but it would be great if you could come by._

 

[Tobin Heath]: 8:59pm

_yeah_

_of course_

_is she okay??_

_what happened??_

_i’m on my way back rn_

\-- 

In her haste to get to Christen, Tobin runs out the door before realizing that she probably should have grabbed her hospital id but decides she’d rather make due with just her phone and her wallet than have to go back and delay her arrival at all.

She’s lucky and a train is pulling into the station just as she bursts through the turnstile. It takes all of her strength to stand still, instead of pace, as she waits for the train to make its way up town. 

When half an hour later, she finally knocks on the door to the room Christen is in, she’s slightly out of breath and very antsy. 

She hears Rachel’s Scottish accent call out, “Come in,” and pushes the curtain to the side so she can enter. 

“Hey, I’m Tobin,” she sticks her hand out to shake Rachel’s.

“Yeah,” Rachel laughs, “I know, we’ve met. At the bar a few months back?” 

The memory comes back to Tobin and she laughs too. “So, do you know what happened?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, an ovarian torsion or something like that? I know, they had to take it out.”

Tobin's face falls, “Oh, God. I wish I had known.”

Rachel puts her hand on Tobin’s her shoulder to comfort her, “There’s no way you could have, it’s just good that you’re here now. Do you mind if I go down and get some coffee?”

“Of course, go ahead!”

“Do you want anything?”

“Nah, I’m alright, thanks for asking though.”

Rachel nods and heads out leaving Tobin alone with a sleeping Christen.

\-- 

Tobin sits in the chair for a while and tries to keep herself occupied on her phone but then Christen starts to stir and Tobin makes her way over to the edge of the bed.

Christen’s eyes flutter open and she blinks a couple of times before her gaze settles on Tobin. She smiles and swallows a few times, trying to wet her mouth enough to speak, but Tobin shushes her and reaches for the cup with the slowly melting ice chips.

“Here, have one of these and then you can go back to sleep.” She feeds Christen the ice chip and then smooths her hair down before sitting back on the edge of the bed.

\-- 

The next time Christen’s eyes flutter open, Rachel is back and sitting in the chair so Tobin stays perched on the edge of the bed. 

Christen smiles at her again before falling back asleep.

\-- 

The next time Christen opens her eyes, Rachel is asleep and Tobin is sitting on the bed, holding Christen’s hand. 

“Tobin?” her voice is soft and very croaky.

“Yeah, Chris?”

“Can you stay?” 

“Of course, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Christen closes her eyes and turns to go back to sleep. She mumbles something and Tobin isn’t sure if she heard right but then Christen says it again. 

“Thank you, Toby. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ovarian torsion means that the blood supply to her ovary got cut off (because it/the fallopian tube flipped over on itself) and it had to get taken out because it was necrotic (dead). 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments or at what-a-gust.tumblr.com! And, thanks for reading!


	10. Do You Know What I’m Seeing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue (both their conversation and the chapter lol)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really hope this was worth all their miscommunications, etc.

Christen wakes slowly to the sound of hushed voices whispering at the end of the bed. Even through her eyelids, the harsh florescent light of the hospital room sneaks through. The persistent beeping of the vital monitor is unsettling and she hates that she can hear her own heart rate increase as the discomfort washes over her.

 

She starts to turn over to hide her face in her pillow because all she wants is to fall back asleep and wake up in her own bed, at home, to the realization that it was all a bad, anxiety-ridden dream. But when she twists her torso in an effort to roll over, despite tubes coming out of the crease of her elbow, the sharp pulling of the stitches against the skin of her abdomen wakes her up.

 

She forces herself to open her eyes all the way and pushes herself so that she’s sitting up a little bit.

 

“Morning, Pressy,” Rachel calls from the foot of the bed where she’s standing with Tobin and a couple of nurses and doctors that Christen doesn’t recognize.

 

“Mm, g’morning, what time is it?” Christen asks through a yawn as she notices that it’s still dark outside.

 

“6:15, we wanted to get you discharged before morning rounds,” one of the unfamiliar doctors offers and Christen just nods in response. “Speaking of which, you should be good to go, Dr. Press. Dr. Heath can go over the discharge plan with you and you can page me if you have any questions.”

 

Christen nods again and the group, aside from Christen’s nurse, makes their way toward the door. She looks up at the white board on the wall across from her bed which indicated that her nurse’s name is Sydney.

 

“Um, Sydney, do you think I could have some water?” she asks as the nurse starts to remove her IVs.

 

“Of course, hun, just let me finish with this and I’ll go grab some for you.” As soon as she’s completely disconnected, Sydney heads for the door and Rachel follows close behind, saying something about needing to get coffee before she can take her home.

 

The door closes swiftly behind them, leaving Christen alone with Tobin who is staring at her intensely.

 

“What?” Christen asks and reaches up to pat down her hair, starting to feel self-conscious under Tobin’s heavy gaze.

 

Christen’s question draws Tobin back to the present, “Oh, uh, nothing. Just glad you’re okay.” She makes her way over to the spot on the edge of the bed where she spent most of the night, “I was really worried, Chris.”

 

At this, Christen ducks her head down in embarrassment even though she knows she doesn’t really have anything to be embarrassed about, knows she doesn’t even really _owe_ Tobin an explanation or an apology (at least for last night). She feels the bed dip with Tobin’s weight and then a soothing hand on her shoulder.

 

“How are you feeling?” Tobin starts rubbing soothing circles across Christen’s back and she can’t help herself from leaning into her touch.

 

“Better, kinda sore, and a little groggy, but definitely better,” Christen looks up at the clock on the wall, wondering when Sydney will be back with her water, when she realizes that at this rate Tobin is going to be late for work. “Wait, don’t you have to go? I really appreciate you being her but I don’t want you to be late on my account.”

 

A bashful blush makes its way up Tobin’s cheeks, “Oh, I, um, actually took a personal day. So I’m not in a rush. I just thought you might need some help or something. But if you don’t want—“

 

“Tobin,” Christen interrupts her, “thank you. That, that would be really nice.”

 

The way that Tobin smiles down at her makes Christen’s heart beat faster in her chest and she is infinitely grateful that Sydney had already disconnected her for discharge so that Tobin couldn’t hear the monitor beeping and give her away.

 

\--

 

The ride home takes forever in the rush hour traffic.

 

It had taken a while for Christen to get up and get dressed and then they had to wait for a staff member to meet them with a wheelchair to bring her down, per hospital policy, even though she really wanted to walk and stretch her legs.

 

When they finally make their way into an Uber, Rachel sits up front, entertaining both herself and the driver with questions about his life story and anecdotes from hers.

 

Christen sits in the back, resting her head on Tobin’s shoulder. Their fingers are loosely tangled together and they keep their eyes closed so that they can pretend not to notice how much comfort they find in that.

 

\--

 

As soon as Christen is settled on the couch under a pile of blankets, Rachel bids them adieu with another cup of coffee in hand so she can get to work.

 

Tobin makes some toast from a loaf of bread she finds in the freezer and brews some of the tea she knows Christen likes before joining her on the couch. She sits up against the arm of the couch, as far from Christen as possible. She feels uneasy, more so than she expected, and hates that she feels like she can’t bring it up until Christen is healed.

 

The worst part is, the unease does nothing to dampen her feelings for the woman sitting across from her. And she can’t stop playing Christen’s words over and over again in her mind.

 

_Thank you, Toby. I love you. Thank you, Toby. I love you. Thank you, Toby. I love you._

 

She had been so certain in the afternoon that the weirdness between them was the result of her unrequited feelings. But then Christen had to ask for her, to tell her she loved her with her pain-killer-addled brain. Had to say the thing that Tobin is trying so hard not to feel. Had to give her a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe they could actually be something.

 

So she stays on her side of the couch and tries not to fidget, tries to be still so she doesn’t jostle Christen and her stitches, so she doesn’t draw Christen’s attention and accidentally wind up in the middle of a conversation she knows she cannot finish.

 

Tobin is actually able to control her limbs for once but she finds controlling her gaze quite a bit more difficult. Every time she forces herself to turn her eyes back toward the tv, they inevitably end up back on Christen’s profile as soon as her mind wanders.

 

Christen notices a couple of times. Tobin is sure of it. But she doesn’t say anything so Tobin doesn’t either.

 

\--

 

Their unspoken agreement lasts through the first two episodes of Friends but halfway through the third, Christen has had enough. She grabs the remote and presses pause, turning to face Tobin as much as her sore abdomen will allow.

 

“What?”

 

Tobin quickly lowers her gaze to the cushion on her lap, “What do you mean, ‘what’?”

 

“I mean why do you keep looking at me? Is there something on my face or something?” Christen brings her hand up to wipe her cheek, just in case.

 

Tobin takes a deep breath, “No, Chris. There’s nothing on your face. It’s just, do you – do you remember what you said to me last night?”

 

Christen looks down at her lap sheepishly as their exchange comes flooding back and there’s nothing she can do to deny it, “I do.”

 

“Did you mean it?” Tobin asks, the longing evident in her voice.

 

Christen swallows before she responds, her voice barely more than a whisper, “Yeah.”

 

Tobin’s whole body somehow manages to relax and perk up simultaneously, “Really?”

 

“Mhmm,” Christen nods, still avoiding meeting Tobin’s eyes but forcing herself to be honest.

 

“Say it again,” Tobin insists, her excitement building.

 

“What?”

 

“I said, say it again.”

 

Christen finally looks up, her eyes brimming with tears, a mixture of fear of the worst and hope for the best. She takes a breath, trying to steady herself, “I love you, Tobin Heath. I, I’m in love with you.”

 

And then, in the blink of an eye, Tobin’s lips are on hers, repeating her words back to her, voice overflowing with affection, “I love you too, Christen Press. I’m in love with you too.”

 

\--

 

Christen knew that Tobin was a really good kisser. That was never really a question. But somehow, knowing that they’re in love, that their feelings are mutual, makes her kisses infinitely better.

 

Tobin is so gentle and careful. Christen can tell that she’s trying really hard, making herself uncomfortable even, to avoid accidentally putting any pressure on Christen’s stomach. The effort makes the warm, fuzzy feeling in Christen’s chest bloom further. And that, along with a few minutes of Tobin’s tongue in her mouth, is more than enough to get her worked up.  

 

She pulls away to breathe for a moment and Tobin sits back on her heels to give her some space. As soon as she catches her breath, a huge smile spreads across her face at the realization that everything actually worked out. Sure, it took having emergency surgery and an ovary removed but she was finally honest with Tobin about her feelings and now they’re _in love_.

 

Christen sees that she isn’t the only one reveling in the joy of the moment when she notices the grin Tobin is wearing and she can’t help herself, “What?”

 

“Just in love with you, that’s all,” Tobin jokes and Christen really wishes she had her full range of motion because all she wants to do is take Tobin back to her bedroom and have her way with her. “And as much as I want to keep kissing you, I do think we should talk,” Tobin’s voice trails off like she doesn’t really want to but knows that they have to.

 

“You’re right,” Christen relents, “do you want to go first or shall I?”

 

Tobin shrugs, “I guess since I suggested it, I can go?” Christen just nods so Tobin continues. “I want to start by apologizing for not being clear with my feelings. At the beginning, it sorta felt like we were dating but then it sorta felt to me like you just wanted to be friends with benefits. And being your friend was so much fun that I kinda forgot, I guess, to mention that I wanted more than that? And then, I sorta thought that you weren’t interested because you’d clam up any time someone mentioned the possibility of us being together. So I tried to let it go and move on. And I wanted to make sure I was giving you enough space. But I realize now I must’ve read the situation wrong so I’m super interested to hear your side of the story,” she can’t help but laugh a little bit.

 

“That’s fair,” Christen laughs in return. “I’ll be honest, part of the reason I tried not to be into you, or at least tried to keep it from you that I was interested, is because of a conversation I had with Lauren Holiday.”

 

“You talked to Lauren about me?” Tobin sounds confused so Christen is quick to continue.

 

“Yeah, like after our first ‘date’ I guess you could call it. I was just really unsure about where we were headed and she basically told me that you’re a serial heart-breaker.”

 

Tobin’s face falls but Christen pushes on, “Or, at least that’s what I thought she was saying. But it turns out I completely misunderstood her point. And I think, maybe, I sort of wanted to think that’s what she was saying because when we ran into each other at the bar you were talking to that other girl. And then I saw you kissing her. And then, after lunch the first time we had sex you said you had to leave to go meet someone so I figured that you were going on another date or something.”

 

Christen takes deep breath to collect herself but makes herself continue, “But, I realized, after Sam and Rachel and my sister hit me over the head with it, that she was just saying that you’re really great and easy to fall for. And she was worried that I wasn’t ready for a new relationship because I had just gotten out of a long term one when we first started talking.”

 

Christen waits for Tobin to nod that she understands before continuing, “And then, once I was sure I liked you, I was even more sure that you didn’t like me. I’m not really sure why, I guess maybe I thought you were too good for me or something. Which is silly. So in order to keep myself from getting hurt by you, I just took the possibility of us being together completely off the table. Which I clearly did too good of a job of because it seems I convinced both of us.”

 

At this admission, Tobin starts to laugh and Christen joins her, recognizing the sheer absurdity of their months-long miscommunications.

 

“So, what I’m hearing,” Tobin offers tentatively, “is that we want to be together. Like for real. And have to do a better job of expressing our feelings to each other so that we don’t fuck it up?”

 

Christen nods, kind of overwhelmed that after months of pining, and trying to convince herself that this would never happen, they actually have the chance to be in love. She tries to speak but her voice keeps getting caught in her throat so Tobin takes the lead.

 

She laces their fingers together and makes sure that Christen is looking at her, “Chris, I just, I need you to know how much you mean to me. And how much I value having you in my life. And if I ever made you feel like you were unimportant to me, I am so, so sorry. I never wanted to make you feel that way and I sure as hell don’t ever want you to feel that way again. So, if you’d do me the honor, I would really, really, like you to be my girlfriend.”

 

They both let out a sigh at the weight of that admission before Tobin continues on, “I’d like to have the chance to prove to you how much I care about you and how serious I am about this. Lauren may have been a little bit more right than you’re giving her credit for, I’m not one to be in relationships, really. Work always seems to get in the way,” they both laugh at that, knowing it’ll be doubly true for them now that they’re together but at least they’re able to understand the challenges (and have a connection the the person who makes their schedules). “But I hope that just shows you how much I want this, how seriously I’m taking it.”

 

Tears are streaming down Christen’s face but the smile she wears couldn’t be wider, “I’d love that, Tobin. Will you,” she hiccups and they both laugh at how messy and emotional the moment is. It’s fitting, though, after so many months of anticipation, “will you do the honor of being my girlfriend too?”

 

Tobin lifts Christen’s chin with her index finger and then wipes her tears with her thumbs before leaning in to kiss her. When she pulls back, she whispers against her lips, “I would love nothing more.”

 

\--

 

They wake up a few hours later, legs tangled under the blanket but their upper bodies separated by a decorative pillow that Tobin had arranged to make sure she didn’t accidentally lean on Christen’s stitches while they napped. The emotional release of their long overdue conversation had taken a lot out them, especially after what was already an exhausting 24 hours.

 

Neither of them wants to get up and break out of the warm cocoon they built for themselves. But then Tobin’s stomach grumbles embarrassingly loudly which reminds Christen that she’s actually pretty hungry, not having eaten much more than the slice of toast Tobin made her when they first got home.

 

“Shall I make us lunch? What are you in the mood for?” Tobin asks, tangling her fingers with Christen’s on the couch between them.

 

Christen pulls their hands toward her so that Tobin lays back down, “I know I should be good and tell you that there’s stuff for salads in the fridge but I just really want some super gooey mac-&-cheese.”

 

“Say no more!” Tobin hops up as enthusiastically as she can without jostling Christen, “you sit here looking pretty and watching Friends and I’ll come back when the food is ready.” She leans down to kiss the top of Christen’s head before she goes.

 

\--

 

When Tobin comes back with two bowls filled with steaming mac, Christen has arranged herself to be as close to sitting as is comfortable with a bunch of pillows around her and one on her lap that she can rest the bowl on. Tobin can’t help but laugh at how adorable her girlfriend looks. And then she thinks about how Christen really is her girlfriend and she gets so giddy that she can’t contain it and almost ends up dropping the pasta on Christen. As soon as the coast is clear and the mac is no longer in danger, they break out into a raucous laughter.

 

“Love you.”

 

“Love you, too. Thanks for making lunch!”

 

“Anything for you, babe,” Tobin is sure to milk the moment for all it’s worth.

 

Once their bowls are empty (Tobin), or as close to empty as they can manage (Christen), Tobin puts their dishes in the sink and rejoins Christen on the couch who switched to re-watching Brooklyn Nine Nine.

 

When the title sequence of the second episode starts, Christen reaches out to pause the tv and turns to face Tobin, “I like this a lot better than the first time.”

 

“What, the show? Yeah, it really grows on you once you love the characters, I get what you mean.”

 

“No, Tobin. Not the show, though I do really love it. I mean this,” she motions back and forth between them, “like knowing where we’re at. That you’re not gonna get up and leave and I’ll wonder if you’re going on a date with someone else while you’re gone and working myself up until my stomach is twisted in knots of anxiety so tight that I can’t tell that one of my ovaries is atrophying inside of me.” She tries to laugh it up the rawness of her voice catches her off-guard and tears threaten to fall.

 

“Oh Chris, sweetie. I promise, there’s no one else in the world I want to date. You’re it for me.”

 

“Really?” Christen knows that Tobin means it but she still wants to hear her say it again.

 

Tobin smiles, happy to reassure Christen as often as necessary, “Really, really. Love you.”

 

Christen settles back into her pillow throne and un-pauses the tv, “Love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

_One Month Later_

 

“Babe, are you almost ready?” Tobin calls out from the front hall where she’s putting her coat on.

 

“Yeah,” Christen calls back from the bathroom, “just have to finish curling my hair.”

 

Tobin trudges back to the bathroom and can’t help but laugh, “I seriously cannot, for the life of me, understand why you straighten your hair just to curl it again. Like if you want it curly, can’t you just, perhaps, not straighten it?”

 

Christen rolls her eyes dramatically in the mirror so she knows Tobin can see, “Obviously, I would do that if it was that simple, Tobes. You don’t have textured hair so you don’t get it. Just let me live. The more you bother me about, the longer I’ll take.”

 

“Fine, fine,” Tobin puts her hands up in defense. “I just don’t wanna be late, I haven’t seen Sam in like a full week and I miss her.”

 

“I knew you two would gang up on me, I should’ve tried harder to keep you apart,” Christen jokes as she unplugs her straightener and curling iron. “Okay, I’m ready, just let me put my shoes and coat on and I’ll be good to go.”

 

\--

 

When they finally get to the bar, the one they both happened to be at all those months ago when Tobin accidentally met all of Christen’s friends for the first time, the whole group is waiting for them.

 

“Finally! Were you fucking or something? What took so long?” Sam yells out as soon as she sees them and they both blush in embarrassment because it’s definitely possible that that contributed to their tardiness.

 

“None of your business, buddy,” Tobin swings her arm around Sam’s shoulder and steals the vodka soda out of her hand to take a sip. “Thanks for the drink though!”

 

“Fuck you,” Sam laughs but doesn’t even try to take the drink back; she just steals Rachel’s when she sets it down on the table and turns away for a moment to ask Olivia a question.

 

\--

 

A couple rounds later, everyone is pleasantly tipsy and Christen is leaning her head on Tobin’s shoulder when she sees an unmistakable face at the bar. Her shoulders stiffen and Tobin notices immediately.

 

“Babe, you okay?”

 

Christen nods, not wanting to seem jealous, but she can’t seem to tear her eyes away from the woman in front of her. Tobin follows her gaze and it takes her a minute to make the connection before she puts two and two together and realizes why Christen is so bothered.

 

She leans down so that her lips are pressed against the shell of Christen’s ear, “You know you’re it for me, babe. You’re the girl of my dreams." She plays up the sappiness because she knows that as much as Christen might try to deny it, she's a sucker for sweet-talking, "I literally haven’t thought about her since our conversation. And before that, the last time I thought about her was the night I met her. I think about you literally all the time, don’t let her bother you, you’re too hot for that.”

 

Tobin feels the tension drain from Christen’s shoulders but doesn’t move her face, waiting instead for Christen to turn her face so they can kiss.

 

Understandably feeling a little bit more possessive than usual, Christen does just that and then pulls Tobin’s bottom lip taught between her teeth before letting go, “Love you.”

 

“Love you, too, baby,” Tobin says as she leans in to kiss her again.

 

“Ew, gross! Get a room, love birds!” Sam teases.

 

“Preferably Tobin’s,” Rachel adds and they all laugh.

 

The laughter dies down and Olivia chimes in, “Well, at least that,” she gestures in their general direction, “is better than all that awful back-and-forth they were doing for months before they finally had a fucking conversation.”

 

“True! Cheers to that,” Whit shoves her glass into the air with such enthusiasm that half her beer sloshes over the side onto the table.

 

“Cheers!” Everyone echoes over the sound of the glasses clinking, “To Christen and Tobin, for finally figuring their shit out.”

 

Tobin puts her glass down and pulls Christen in for one more kiss and she can’t imagine that life gets any better than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It's been a pleasure writing this for you all! This is the last chapter of the main story, the next chapter is the epilogue which will link this piece to the sequel. Let me know what you think in the comments or on tumblr at what-a-gust!


	11. She Had The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, folks. (Until the sequel, coming in 2020 to screens near you.)

“Can you believe this is it?” Tobin sighs as she knocks the top of her head against the bottom of Christen’s chin from where she’s leaning on her shoulder.

“Well, we still have the train home,” Christen tries to brush off Tobin’s attempt at getting sentimental at 6:30 in the morning with little success.

“I know,” Tobin nuzzles in a little further. “But this is our last commute to work as residents of the island of Manhattan. On Monday, we become real commuters. We have the relish the last day we’ll ever be cool.”

“I dunno, babe. I think we’ll be pretty cool,” Christen gets that faraway look in her eyes that Tobin has come to recognize as a sign of her wife’s brilliance. “We’ll be living in our big house in the suburbs and,” she pauses to think for a moment, “you’ll have to shovel our whole driveway and it’ll always take longer than you remember so you’ll get all sweaty and take your coat off even though it’s absolutely freezing out and I’ll watch you through the window and kiss you when you come inside because even though it’s been 20 or 30 years, we’re still in love.”

Tobin rolls her eyes with deep affection, “Jeez, I can’t believe I married such a freakin’ dork.”

“Yeah, well, you did,” Christen teasingly pinches Tobin’s side. “Almost a year ago, as a matter of fact.

“Not that I would ever, ever, do this, but I’m glad that our anniversary has additional significance so that there’s no way it’ll slip my mind.”

Christen glares at Tobin who instantly puts her hands up in defense, “Kidding, totally kidding, I swear, I would never forget to remember the best day of my life.”

“Ever the charmer, you are,” Christen jokingly elbows Tobin so that she takes a step back and they can face each other.

“Love you,” Tobin leans forward to kiss her.

“Love you, too,” Christen replies just as the train comes rumbling up to the station.

\--

Christen has her arm hooked through Tobin’s as they hold onto the metal poll between the doors of the crowded subway car, “Y’know, it’s gonna be really nice to get to sit every morning and have some personal space.”

“Yeah, for sure. And I know you know I was joking earlier, but I just want to be clear that I’m super excited for us to have been married for a year. And I’m equally excited to get to start the adoption process. And I don’t take either of those things lightly. Like, they’re super important to me and I can’t wait to celebrate with you in our new home.”

Christen gives Tobin’s elbow an affectionate squeeze, “I know, honey. I promise, I never doubt how you feel about me,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “anymore,” and then winks.

They spend the remainder of the commute running through the details of moving day. Christen made a master list of absolutely everything that needs to happen as well as separate lists for the tasks that are delegated to them individually. So, while neither of them are worried per se, their excitement keeps them from being able to talk about anything else.

\--

Christen’s unit is unusually quiet so she takes her lunch a little early and holes up in her office in an attempt to wrap up as many notes as possible before the end of the day. She makes solid progress before a text from her mom distracts her.

[Mom]:

_All set for tomorrow?_

[Christen]:

_Yep!_

_You know me, I made lists._

[Mom]:

_Of course you did._

_How many?_

[Christen]:

_Enough._

_4_

_But better safe than sorry, right?_

[Mom]:

_Of course, dear._

_I would expect nothing less._

_Any plans for your anniversary?_

[Christen]:

_I’m assuming we’ll be exhausted from unpacking._

_Maybe we’ll go to dinner? Explore our new neighborhood or something._

[Mom]:

_Sounds very old and boring._

[Christen]:

_Mommmmm_

[Mom]:

_Christen!_

_Kidding, sweetie._

_I’m sure you and Tobin will have a lovely evening._

_Any progress on the adoption stuff?_

[Christen]:

_How many times am I going to have to explain this?_

_We have to be married for a year before we can do anything._

_So, no progress. And there won’t be until next week at the earliest._

_I promise, you’ll be the first to know when we hear._

_Except maybe for Cindy._

[Mom]:

_Christen._

[Christen]:

_Kidding!_

Stacy’s mention of the adoption process reminds Christen of a tip that one of the hospital’s social workers had given her earlier in the morning. She minimizes Epic so that she can google the form before she forgets again.

In the blink of an eye, twenty minutes have passed and she’s sent Tobin something like fifteen links to information about the different agencies they might end up working with.

When Tobin doesn’t answer right away, she assumes that she must be with a patient so she finishes the note she was working on and tosses her tupperware back in her bag before heading back out on to the floor.

\--

“Tobin, your phone’s been going off like crazy. You might want to check that before Christen gets pissed,” Julie holds Tobin’s phone out to her.

As soon as Tobin sees the first text, her face breaks out into a huge smile. She scrolls through all of the messages and then clicks on a couple of the links and shoots off a quick _thank you, can’t wait for this_ text before shoving her phone back in her pocket.

When she looks up, she sees Julie, Allie, and Alex all staring at her intently.

“Soooo, are you gonna tell us what’s going on or do we have to guess?” Alex asks.

Allie immediately cuts in, “Lets guess! I bet Dr. Press was asking for a quickie in the locker room.”

“Guys, come on. That’s not funny—,”

“Thanks you, Alex!”

“Obviously, Christen sent something way more risqué if you know what I mean…”

“Ugh, you guys are the worst! She just sent me a bunch of links for adoption stuff – will you please stop talking about my wife like that‽” Tobin doesn’t mean to yell but Christen was being really sweet and hearing her friends talk about her in such a demeaning way sets her off.

The three nurses instantly look guilty, “Sorry, Tobes. We didn’t mean anything by it,” Julie glares at Alex and Allie.

“It’s okay, I know you guys used to tease me like that all the time but with the move tomorrow and everything, it just really feels like we’ve outgrown that sort of stuff. And I just want everyone else to take us as seriously as I do.”

Alex glances at Julie and Allie and then reaches for Tobin’s hand, “We do take you seriously, we love you and Christen together. We can’t wait to come visit the new house. And you’re definitely going to make great parents.” Alex pauses to point at her own pregnant belly and then at Julie’s, “I think that maybe we’re just having a little trouble with getting old ourselves and let that get the best of us.”

Tobin’s frustration melts as she sees the sincerity on her friends’ faces. “Alright, I forgive you,” she sighs. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Promise! Now, spill! What exactly are all those links about?”

\--

“I know we’re about to celebrate the next step of being grownups but there is something so satisfying about eating dinner on the kitchen floor,” Christen straightens her legs out in front of her as she reaches for the lo mein.

They had sold all of their apartment furniture over the course of the past couple of weeks because they wanted to get to buy new stuff for their house. As soon as they finished changing into their pajamas, Tobin had spent the rest of their wait for their Chinese food to be delivered trying to convince Christen that it would be more fun to sit in the middle of their empty kitchen floor than to eat leaning over the counter like they usually did whenever they were too busy to set the table.

Much to her surprise, Christen had folded as soon as the food arrived and now they’re sitting on the floor with legs tangled together and their dinner spread out around them. Tobin has to fight the urge to say _I told you so_ and instead offers a diplomatic, “I think it’s great, really casual, I’m definitely not opposed to doing it more often.”

Christen shakes her head knowingly, “We just spent a fortune on a new house and a new dining set, we will not be sitting on the ground to eat unless we’re having a picnic in the backyard for a long, long time.”

“I guess that’s reasonable,” Tobin laughs.

 “It sure is,” Christen nods resolutely. “On that note, I have a question…”

Tobin looks up at her wife, “Sure, what’s up, babe?”

“How would you feel about hiring a housekeeper?” Tobin starts to answer but Christen cuts her off to continue, “I just don’t see either of us wanting to dust on our days off, ya know? And we can afford it?”

Christen sounds like she’s trying to justify it to herself more than to Tobin so Tobin cuts her off before she really gets started rambling, “Relax! It’s fine! We can totally hire someone, especially if we’re gonna get a dog. I know I’m not gonna want to deal with dog hair everywhere, that’s for su-”

Christen takes another bite of lo mein but the long noodles leave a spot of grease right below her lip that distracts Tobin from her response.

“What?” Christen asks as she wipes her face but manages to miss the spot.

Tobin leans over and brings her thumb up to wipe at it, “Nothing, you just had a little something, but I fixed it,” she breathes against Christen’s lips before planting a kiss there.

Christen rolls her eyes affectionately at her wife’s antics, “You’re not seriously using that line on me right now, are you?”

“It’s not a line,” Tobin insists. “Trust me, I know exactly how to get what I want without a line.”

Christen’s tongue runs along her bottom lip before she pulls it between her teeth, “And what is it exactly that you want?”

“The same thing I always want,” Tobin grins at how hard Christen is trying to not seem eager, “to make you feel good.”

Tobin pushes herself onto her knees, crawls over Christen’s lap, and kisses her deeply, running her tongue along the roof of Christen’s mouth. Once she’s certain that Christen is distracted, she slips her finger tips under the hem of her wife’s shirt and pushes it up as she rakes her nails across her stomach.

They make out for a few minutes, hands roaming up each other’s sides and across their backs. Tobin lets Christen take off her shirt so that they’re both naked from the waist up and gives herself a few moments to enjoy the view before she’s encouraging Christen to turn over, “C'mon, on your hands and knees, baby.”

She kisses her way up from the base of Christen’s spine to the space between her shoulder blades and then pulls Christen’s hips back against her own. Christen groans in anticipation and spreads her knees a little wider to make more room for Tobin.

“You want me to fuck you, don't you, baby? That’ll make you feel real good, don’t you think?” Tobin asks at the same time she reaches around to slip one hand down the front of Christen’s pants and palms her chest with the other.

“Mmm, ple-please, Tobin,” Christen moans and Tobin revels in how quickly she can reduce Christen to a begging mess (practice does make perfect, after all.)

Christen whimpers when Tobin pulls her hands away so that she can push Christen’s pajama pants down.

“Be patient, baby. I promise it’ll feel good soon. So soon,” Tobin coos into the back of Christen’s neck just before she slips her fingers through the wet heat between Christen’s legs. “See, honey, I told you so. Feels real good, doesn’t it.”

“Mmm,” Christen moans again in affirmation.

Tobin sweeps Christen's hair off her back to the side and wraps her hand around the back of her neck and pushes down gently so that Christen pushes her hips back against her other hand.

It doesn’t take long from there. Christen, being as worked up as she is, falls apart in Tobin’s hands after a few well timed thrusts and consistent pressure on her clit.

Tobin kisses across the back of her wife's neck as she waits for her to catch her breath. Christen lets out a low sigh that Tobin takes as a sign that she’s ready to reciprocate so she sits back on her heels and taps Christen’s hip so that she knows to turn around.

“Tobes, I know this is really unsexy to say but my knees are starting to hurt. Can we move to the carpet before we continue?”

“Wow, we really are getting old,” Tobin laughs as she stands and helps Christen to her feet. “Why don’t we just cement our status as ‘no longer cool’ and clean up dinner and get ready for bed and then we can just settle in for the night?”

Christen wraps her arm around Tobin’s neck and pulls her in for a kiss, “I knew I married you for a reason. I love you.”

“Love you, too, baby. Now get cleaning, I’m willing to wait, but not that long,” Tobin winks and Christen just has to kiss her once more before she grabs what’s left of their dinner off the floor.

\--

“Well, this is it. Time to say goodbye,” Tobin looks around at their empty apartment one last time. All the stuff they still need to take with them is packed up in a couple of suitcases that are waiting for them by the front door.

This time, Christen is much more accepting of Tobin's sentimental mood. “It’s kinda crazy, isn’t it? How we made so many memories here but once we leave, we’ll probably never come back?” she wonders aloud as she does a final sweep of the living room, making sure that they don’t leave anything behind.

Tobin just sort of shrugs in response, “I mean, I know I’ll miss this place but at the same time we have so much to look forward to that I’m too excited to get emotional about it right now. I mean, in a matter of hours we’ll be moved into our house! I’m so stoked!”

“I guess that’s a good way of looking at it,” Christen relents as she makes her way over to Tobin, who is waiting for her at the door. “Should we take the subway to Grand Central one last time? Or shall we make our lives easier and just get a cab?”

“I think we have to take the train, don't you? It’s tradition at this point and it would be a shame not to honor that one last time? The 6 is what brought us together, I think we should let it send us on our way?”

In lieu of a response, Christen wraps her arms around her wife’s shoulders for a quick hug and then shuffles them out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kind comments and kudos. This story means a lot to me and I'm glad to have shared it with you all. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!!
> 
> I'm always happy to answer questions about what they're up to in this au so hit me up at what-a-gust.tumblr.com if you're interested (aka send me asks if you want to know what their house looks like, how long they've actually been together, and what they end up doing for their anniversary, etc)


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